Are You Lonely Or Just Addicted To An Unrealistic Romantic Myth?

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Are You Lonely Or Just Addicted To An Unrealistic Romantic Myth?
Contrary to what you may think, romance rarely just shows up at one's door, and can take some work.

Relationships take compromise, sometimes a lot. Married people know this. If you are not willing to compromise for certain things, then you are going to have to let it go. If you are not willing to put in the work then you have to let the idea of the relationship go. Let the relationship go, and then seriously let the idea of your perfect relationship go with it, because it doesn’t exist except in your mind. Focusing on the very thing that you do not have puts all the rest of the wonderful things you do have out of focus.

Some may claim that they have not met the right person with whom to compromise with. Let’s tackle this issue first. What you may be looking for is a romantic movie. You may be attached to an ideal that happens to some, if they are lucky, once in a lifetime, it happens to even fewer people maybe twice in a lifetime, and for many, if not most, it happens almost never. The smart ones recognize that it might never happen again and they will compromise their world to hang on to this one big romance, despite how painful it may become later. The main thing again here is choice, commitment and compromise.

 

At some point we do have to decide if we’d rather be alone for the right reasons, as opposed to being in a committed relationship for the wrong reason. So, if we choose to separate or divorce from a big romance because of harshities, we have to accept our choice, and know that we did the right thing. We also have to recognize that the type of love we expected may never come or may never come again. This does not mean we have to stay in abusive, stagnant, malignant relationships. It just is what it is. Reality. Life. Romance is fleeting at best, and at worst it never happens. You might be thinking that there is some easy shortcut that others got, that you haven’t been afforded. You may think romance comes easy for some people, and you wonder why you’re not one of them.

Some say they never meet anyone. Or maybe you may have met this person but were rejected by them. At some point you have to accept that the concept you are holding onto may never happen, and/or may have already happened. If you are truly lonely and want to find someone comparable to spend your life with then get out there, go on dating sites, get hooked up by friends and family, do something, do anything, find someone who you get along with and make a commitment to make it work.

Some say they are dating someone but there are way too many red flags. Take a step back and assess the situation. Put your needs aside and honestly look at the person. Is this someone you are interested in? Are you attracted to this person? Can you see yourself with them in 5, 10 years? Do they feel the same way about you? Do they call you, show up for you? Do you have fun? If you answer yes to some of these questions, stop the full court press, relax, enjoy your time together and focus on doing the things you really love about each other, that is if being in a relationship is something you truly desire. Just know, it is going to take work regardless of who you choose.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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