But, I have a theory that many people who are single for a length of time, are single because they actually deep down want to be, and need to be single.
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For those who are afraid of being alone, it's not the hardest thing to find someone and then to shack up. You know who you are and you are most likely paired up already. These people can easily find someone to shack up with. You need not be good looking, attractive, rich, nice nor even kind to find a significant other. What I am trying to say is that if you really wanted to get married, or get committed, or even just find a companion you would find someone to do it with pretty easily, if you weren't being that selective. What many people want or are looking for, is someone or some ideal that they have in their mind. There is a desire to be several things, and to have several things in their partner, and it's just a bit harder to find, and it's somewhat of a frustration, but there are the benefits too. The interesting thing is that these 'single' people I am referring to, are not afraid of being alone. They don't necessarily love it nor like it and may even catastrophize or generalize their single hood by saying things to themselves like, "I am not deserving of love," "I am unattractive," "I always pick the wrong girl/guy," or "I will be single forever," but deep down they'd rather be alone than settle down with someone just to be in a relationship.
The point I am trying to make is to suggest that single hood should be embraced. It's a good idea to acknowledge that you love being alone, that you love not answering to people, that you love your privacy, your freedom and your independence. These are all things you don't really want to give up, especially since we already know that many people sacrifice some or all of these things for love, for intimacy, for sex, for connection, for relationships. Ideally we wouldn't sacrifice anything, but our better minds keep warning us to tread lightly, for if we are not careful these gems of single hood can be taken away from us all too soon. Call us commitment phobic, call it wild and free, call it whatever you will, in the end we like what we have, our juicy nuggets of single hood, so much so that no one can really take it away. YET.
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If you're single I want you to meditate on these few concepts.
Meditation, mindfulness and consciousness are a big part of what I like to teach in sexuality, and even if we are single, and not engaging in regular sexual activity, we can develop a a mindful focus that embraces who we are and helps us develop our connectivity to the world, through honesty and love.