I have regular reflections in the art of relationships. I surmise over the jealousy, the fights and the troubled sex that often ensues over time. I sometimes wish that being single were a more revered way of life. I think if singlehood was more acceptable then we, as a collective society, would be much happier and at peace with being by ourselves. We would be at peace with being alone, instead of always trying to force the juice out of every union, force our ideals and expectations into every romantic interlude and feel pain and sorrow over lost connections.
Concepts such as letting one another be, acceptance, letting go and impermanence are all concepts associated with Buddhist ways of life and are ultimately ideal in getting relationships to work. But, so few people are walking around understanding, let alone embracing these concepts and ideologies. Many know and want to change. But, in the face of reality, whether it be societal prescriptions or innate urgings, often fail.
So many people are ready to be kept or tied down with a ball and chain, that I decided to compile a list of all the things I love about being single. Here are 10 reasons to embrace the fact that you are not in a relationship and love your single life.
When you are single you can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want. Being single is all about you. It is a special time to be true to yourself and be a little selfish. "You" is at the crux of embracing your single life. I am going to run down a list of reminders on why being single is not so bad after all.
1. No compromising.
When you are single, you can do whatever it is that you love, without having to compromise for someone else's needs or desires. Maybe you like fried chicken or you like to eat cookies under the stars in a tent in your backyard. There is nothing you have to give up. You can indulge in your guilty pleasures or just simply be yourself without having to give up any part of your pleasure in order to codify someone else.
2. No explaining or justifying.
Not only do you not have to give up your pleasures, but neither do you have to explain or justify to anyone why it is you like doing them. This is liberating. Be yourself, no ifs ands or buts about it.
3. No guilt.
Guilt is something that we can definitely do without. But, so much of our relationships revolve around guilt. The aformentioned compromising and explaining are often things we do to protect our relationship from it's demise. We fear the loss. Instead of embracing impermanence and remembering what joys singlehood can bring, we often feel bad and guilty about our "selfish" ways. This leads to self- compromising behaviors.
4. No jealousy or insecurity.
Remember this? Jealousy can come from you or your partner. When you celebrate your singlehood, jealousy and insecurity about other people fall down by the wayside. Who cares anymore? The most important person has become you. The ability to live and let live suddenly becomes within your reach. Goodbye jealousy.
Partners not only want explanations and compromise, but they also may be jealous of your friends? Perhaps, partners may limit the time you have to spend with friends. In many ways friends are more important than our partners. They are there for us when our relationships hit turbulence. Being single is a great time to nurture your friendships. So, hang out with your most debaucherous friends and feel not guilt about it.
6. Develop your identity.
So often people lose themselves in other people, in their partner or in their relationship. Who are you? What is special about you? Singlehood is when you can really let yourself shine and be who you are meant to be.
7. Have "me time."
Like I mentioned before, the crux of singlehood is the freedom to do what you want, when you want, how you want, why you want and with whom. There is no one to answer to, explain, justify and compromise for. This independence should be embraced. You want a quiet evening at home or an entire week of solitude. It is all yours. Just say the word. The act of self-care is easy.
8. Pursue your dreams.
Being single affords you the ability to pursue your dreams. Want to travel the world or join a touring circus? Guess what? Being single makes these types of dreams much easier. Single people can do the things that those in relationships cannot. Chart uncharted territory, be a trail blazer or do something that you have never done before. It might be easier to do these things without a ball and chain.
9. Financial independence.
You do not have to ever pay for anyone else. You make your own money. So, spend your money the way you want. No joint bank accounts, no one telling you how to spend your money and no one asking you where your money went.
10. Emotional independence.
This is probably the most liberating piece of all. Partners are not always supportive of our emotions. They take our emotions personally, they don't understand them or they don't support what we are feeling. Singles don't have to explain why they feel happy, sad, angry, tired, moody, crabby or frustrated to anyone. Feel free to feel every emotion you have inside of you and not have to respond to anyone else about them.
Some of these things sound downright selfish. But, the irony of it is that these seemingly selfish concepts might actually benefit our relationships. We might end up feeling better about ourselves in the long run, which in the end is key for long term happiness.
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Employ mental triggers throughout your daily life. For instance, every time you walk through a doorway, remind yourself that you are a confident, sexy person. Or every time you get in your car tell yourself that you will succeed today because when you look great you do great, etc. Constantly be telling yourself that you are perfect and you will eventually believe it yourself, says Josh Anderson, Founder Always Active Athletics LLC and its subsidiaries the Fit Female Club and 30-Day Weight Loss Lab.
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