You’ve asked, You’ve prayed, Where is he?
Dating can be a wonderful and exciting thing in your early 20s when you're just getting out of college or away from your parents. However, by the time you are in your later 20s, 30s and beyond, dating becomes this endless journey of searching for Mr. Right. Not to mention your mother may be wondering if she will ever become a grandmother in her lifetime. It’s enough to make you go crazy if you let it! Well, let me be the first to tell you that I feel your pain.
Recently, I was watching a show on the OWN network called “Super Soul Sunday” where Oprah Winfrey was interviewing R&B singer India Arie. At the end of each show, Oprah usually asks the various celebrities a series of questions to get to know more about them. In this episode Oprah asked India Arie what she would ask God if she had the chance. India Arie’s first answer to this question was very appropriate and Oprah seemed to delight in her response. India Arie then smiled back at Oprah satisfied with her first answer and then went on to the second thing she would ask God if given the chance in which she said, “Where’s my husband..seriously?” Now having grown up listening to her soulful music, I instinctively knew she was going to say this, even if she hadn’t voiced it out loud.
As a dating coach, I could give you the whole positive self-talk I’m supposed to say but speaking as a woman myself, I understand that when you’re ready to settle down and have kids, those words just aren’t enough to make you feel any better. Perhaps the guys you’ve met in the past weren’t ready for you at the time or perhaps you were the one not ready. Whatever the case, you’re ready now and that’s what’s important to move forward in achieving your goals.
Now based on my experiences and my expertise, there are some things that prove true nearly every time I hear of a woman who is getting married and I wanted to share them with those of you who have been patiently waiting for God to send you a husband.
Below are the top 3 characteristics I’ve noticed in women that appear to get married fairly quickly and/or have multiple marriage proposals:
1. Have Flexibility And An Openness To A Variety Of Possibilities – There’s no doubt about this one. Women who tend to be open to whatever man God or the universe has in store for them, tend to be the ones who get married sooner. The possibilities are endless whether she is dating a guy who may be shorter, younger, going bald, of a different ethnic background or even a guy who may not be the most physically fit. Sure, these women may have an idea of the guy they would like to have according to their checklist requirements but still maintain a sense of openness just in case they don’t get everything on their list. I believe we don’t have the luxury of getting what we want as in a job offer yet we get exactly what our hearts really NEED in a life partner. I’ve heard many happily married couples say their spouse was not their top choice yet they couldn’t imagine living without the person. Maybe if we are more open to a range of possibilities we can see many more opportunities to reach our goals.
2. Have Boundaries – Boundaries are what keeps our values safe. For example, let’s say you value financial stability. Then dating a guy who is consistently unemployed without any financial resources would not be the best choice for you. Boundaries teach people how to respect us. Women who know what they will and will not tolerate from a guy based on their values get more respect from men, who in turn, give them what they desire.
3. Have Self-confidence – A woman that possesses an inner sense of confidence will always have multiple marriage proposals because she knows that accomplishing her goals are always within reach. For example, she won’t stay in a relationship more than a reasonable timeframe without a marriage proposal if marriage is her goal because she is confident there is someone else out there that will love her enough to give her what she desires.
You can certainly add to this list accordingly but I believe these are the top three characteristics. I certainly can’t guarantee that you’ll find a husband but I can guarantee that if you can learn to be more open towards the many possibilities that are out there while maintaining your boundaries, you’ll be much more ahead of the process than when you started this journey. Then if you can maintain your self-confidence that God will send you the husband you’ve prayed for, you’ll be well on your way to finding one.