Balancing Friendship With Courtship

By

Balancing Friendship With Courtship
From Friends To Lovers….Where Do We Go From Here?

I would have to argue the reason why most relationships fail is because they are not based on a solid friendship.  You can tell this immediately by the break up whether it is amicable or a hostile one.  Let’s think about it.  Your best friends are people that know you very well and only have your best interests at heart.  They support you in your endeavors and are not afraid to challenge you when they know you are wrong.  That’s a true friendship.  If the relationship starts with a good friendship and the partners have to break up, then they will end it as friends too.

On the other hand, some people become so obsessed with the friendship until there becomes no boundaries or no transition in place to actually being in a real relationship leading to marriage.  I’ve heard people argue they don’t like titles as in girlfriend or boyfriend but when there is no definition to the relationship other than “friends” after having dated for some time, where do you draw the line?  We can say that we’re okay with our “friend” seeing other people on the surface, but when that friend suddenly starts getting serious with someone else, we tend to have a problem.  And we wonder why we’re all so confused?

Let’s go back to when we were kids.  If you had strong parents, then you had to start off as friends.  You had no other choice.  Your parents were your first line of defense and if you grew up in a tightknit community the way I did, your neighbors and teachers were your second line of defense.  You had to meet his or her family or else you weren’t going out on a date.  Now although, your hormones were high as a young teenager, you made the best of the situation knowing that going past a friendship or “going steady” as we called it, was simply out of the question. 

Back in those days, there was a natural line of progression from friendship to commitment.  You could not shortcut the process and as a result, those were probably some of the best relationships that you could have had because there were boundaries and structure in place to ensure a great transition for courtship and eventually marriage.  We’re missing that natural line of progression.  There really is none.  People nowadays meet with the expectation of sex and marriage right away and then wonder why they can’t find a spouse?

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Monique Boyd

Dating Coach

Monique Boyd

LiveLoveAspire.com

LiveLoveAspire.blogspot.com

Email:  info@liveloveaspire.com

 

Location: Ellicott City, MD
Credentials: BS, CLC, CRC, MBA
Other Articles/News by Monique Boyd:

Yes, Chivalry Is Dead. But Who Killed It?

By

I can't tell you how many seminars and workshops I attend where the topic of chivalry in dating comes up. Usually, women complain there are no chivalrous men anymore and that chivalry is dead. Men counter back and say if chivalry is dead, you killed it! Back and forth we go as the battle of the sexes heats up! No one wins the game of who is to blame and ... Read more

How To Maintain Your "Femme Fatale" While In Uniform

By

Men have long thought women in uniform to be sexy especially with the possibility of her toting a gun on her side (think Mr. and Mrs. Smith!). Even the idea of her giving orders in an authoritarian way can present images to them of what she's like in the bedroom! However, many women that I have spoken to are not quite as bold and dramatic as that type of ... Read more

Long Hair, Don't Care…Think Again!

By

Who could ever forget the actress Keri Russell (aka Felicity) and those lovely, long curly tresses as she played a "doey-eyed" freshman in college in the TV series "Felicity?" People didn't just fall in love with her child-like innocence about love all while balancing the transition between leaving home and finding herself. They fell in ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB