If you are overcoming dating a narcissist, remember this: You are a solid, genuine person and probably more successful than you allow yourself to believe. Narcissists are picky. They don't date just anyone. They look for successful, accomplished people who are nice enough to let the narcissist's self-created superiority overshadow them. If you have allowed a narcissist to prey on your lack of self-confidence, stop! No more downplaying who you truly are. It's time to rise to the top. The lesson here is that you are much better than you think you are. Embrace the truth and move on!
The Mirror Theory
I often suggest to my clients that every person who comes into our lives has been invited by us to show us something about ourselves.
So, assuming I'm right, if you have attracted a narcissist into your life, you may want to ask yourself how you are acting as a narcissist toward yourself. How are you neglecting yourself? How are you putting yourself down? In your own nice way, do you feel that you are better than others? Do you subconsciously put others down when you are feeling insecure about yourself? Not all the narcissistic traits may be mirrored in you. A good question to ask yourself is, What traits are the biggest problem for me, and how do I do that to myself? Then ask how you do it so subconsciously that you had to attract a narcissist to teach you a lesson.
This idea is a lot to absorb. It is what you need to shift from being a victim to owning your own journey. People who have dated a narcissist yet had the guts to move on are bruised emotionally and often collapse into being a victim. Because they are hurt, they feel even less confident of themselves, and that can lead to blaming themselves for staying in the relationship too long. They can become abusive toward themselves and actually perpetuate in themselves the narcissistic tendencies they had the courage to leave.
Moving on After Dating a Narcissist
Be a victim no more! The relationship has ended. Embrace that truth. You want to move forward, with no more abuse. Rise to the top — your top — by consciously shifting from putting yourself down to showing deep empathy for yourself. Then rebuild your self-confidence by taking an objective inventory of who you are. No cheating! No counting yourself short!
Promise yourself that from now on, you will be your own leader. You will believe in yourself and your achievements and will shower yourself with empathy. Yes, empathy, the quality totally missing from a narcissist, may just be the perfect antidote to dating one.
Monica Magnetti is a Certified Life/Business Coach, Brand Expert and proud YourTango expert. Monica holds multiple certifications, because life intertwines and you want an expert by your side. She has created two FREE eBooks and an MP3 download to help you live your life as the leader you are.