Joining is a term used by many couples and family therapist. I use it as a way to talk to couples about how they join with each other instead of being so against each other. Often times we get so caught up in the fight or argument that we lose sight of what we are even trying to talk about it the first place. Joining is also a way to connect with your partner and share a sense of quality time that so many couples are looking for. When we are caught up in a fight or when we get so busy we life we lose a sense of quality time with our spouse/partner.
In couples/marriage therapy we ask, what is quality time? What is joining? How do we get focused again to heal old wounds and start enjoying our time together?
Quality time can be defined as any activity together were two people are sharing time together when the understanding/emphasis is on each other and not the activity. I also add this is a time to join with your partner/spouse. So you might not like going on walks or going to a certain restaurant but it’s not about the place or the activity it’s more about who you are doing it with, how you are celebrating the couples relationship and knowing that your partner appreciates you being with them.
The last question of how do we heal old wouds and move forward, that is about spending time together, and not just talking about the “problem” but more importantly, having fun together and bring playfulness back into your relationship.
Some ideas for quality time:
• Walk on the beach
• Watch the sunset
• Go to the book store
• Go out to dinner or make dinner at home and set a candlelight table(if you have children wait for them to go to bed and have dessert by candelight)
• Go for a car ride and sing a song together
• Lay in bed together and appreciate the quiet
• Take a shower together
• Play in the rain.
• Have a pillow fight.
• Go see a movie or concert or comedy show.
• Have coffee on your front/back porch.
I am sure I could think of more, but take some time for you and your partner to think about how you would both enjoy spending time together and how to laugh together. Both make a list of things you like to do and then pick the first two and do them, remember the emphasis isn’t on what you are doing but who you are doing it with. Have fun!!