A few months ago I read “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage”- by Elizabeth Gilbert who is one of my favorite people not only to read but to listen to. She reads her own audio books and she speaks as beautiful as her writing sounds.
In her book she mentioned that her and her partner were having a dispute, and they were both at that point to where (and I think we can all relate to this) they were right on the verge of saying some words out of frustration and anger and her partner stopped her- and said “Let’s be careful”- meaning let’s take a moment away from this conflict before we do some serious damage. So they sat there in “heated silence” but they both submitted and didn’t say any regrettable words.
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That might be my favorite take-away from the book. I’m sure at some point I’ll end up doing a video review of her book because there are so many gems of advice for relationships.
In dealing with conflict management, I think it’s important to know when to take a break from conflict. Our relationships are so precious and should be handled with care. Let “let’s be careful” be your fragile stamp for your relationship. Take that moment to really be aware of your emotional standing and stop…. stop for health of your relationship. The Gottmans call this “flooding”- the point in which you get so upset that anger overcomes and rational thinking delutes. She also quoted an old friend of hers who said “you can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.”
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Something to think about!
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