How do you react when you hear news of the newly divorced?
Well it’s official. Heidi Klum has filed for divorce from pop-star husband, Seal. One of Hollywood’s most loved couples, mostly for their longevity and public displays of affection. This couple was known for renewing their vows each year and having famous Halloween parties.
Twitter is all aglow with comments on how hopeless love is if these two can’t make it and I think a great many of us are looking at divorce entirely wrong.
When someone tells me they are divorcing or separating I never assume it’s a good or bad- I always check and ask first.
I think our society is built to automatically view divorce as a negative and something to feel sorry for people for (and I’m not saying some don’t). However, divorce is also a new chapter, a clean slate, a fresh start. Let people guide you on how they feel about it instead of projecting your own views about what divorce would be like to you. It’s all in our perception and how we see it. It’s nothing to be shameful about or feel bad about as if there is something wrong with you and your mate that you two just couldn’t pull off the fairytale. It also doesn’t mean that the time you spent together was a total waste. It’s okay to spend a prolonged amount of time with someone and move on at some point.
Dr. Helen Fisher states that we aren’t born to mate for fifty years but rather that we are serial monogamists. This better helps explain our divorce rate. That isn’t to say that the fifty year and plus fairytale isn’t yours to make come true, but only that to some degree you will have to work harder at it.
I love this video from Donny Deutsch on Piers Morgan stating that “just because a marriage doesn’t last forever makes it a failure” and “ I could show you marriages that lasted forever and they were sucky relationships” – just some things to keep in mind while thinking about what divorce means to you and the people around you.
Catch me on Twitter @jennatimetweets and visit me on www.jennatime.com