Have you ever brought up a conflict only to find yourself saying sorry? Your fight just got stolen!
I see a lot of couples and have -to my knowledge- finally self termed “Fight Thief.”
Here’s the scenario: Partner A brings up a conflict they would like to discuss. Partner B gets upset- so much so that Partner A apologizes and feels bad for being upset and bringing it up. This is interesting because originally Partner A was the one that was upset and they are sitting there thinking “what the hay just happened here?”
Additionally, you may even recognize this situation: Partner B not only guilts Partner A into feeling bad, but they say “well, I’m glad you brought that up - I’ve had some things on my mind that I’d like to address too.”
This my friends is a Fight Thief.
Partner B may not understand entirely what they are doing but this is a sure-fire way to create a vicious cycle of conflict that leaves little room for resolution.
Now, both partners are entitled to feeling upset and hurt. However, it’s important to use some good “conflict management” here. Take one conflict at a time.
Partner A gets kudos for being honest about what they are feeling and taking the risk to rock the boat, so they get the floor first. After that conflict is settled, which means Partner A has been 1.) Listened to and 2.) Validated can they move on to Partner B and their newfound conflict.
It’s important to keep in mind that many couples have unresolved conflict that never comes to a resolution but to more of an understanding. Couples always come to me and are ask me “Do you think we’re going to make it?!! We fight like crazy?!” - and my response is always the same - you must fight fair. Welcome the conflict, and encourage it in your relationship - see it as an opportunity to get to know your mate better.
Opportunity, opportunity, opportunity!!
*I also kindly remind my clients as much as I could pass as a legit psychic I really have no background in crystal balls. What you choose to work on, and what you choose to accept will determine the livelihood of your relationship. Not me.
Catch me on @jennatimetweets and visit me on www.jennatime.com. Lastly, if you’re guilty...and you know who you are...stop stealing fights!! ;)