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Applause! Applause!

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Applause! Applause!

Compliments and positive feedback are food for the soul and food for the psyche. As we need regular meals of good food to fuel our bodies and give us the energy we need to make a good life so we need appreciation and applause to fuel our psyche and produce the positive self-esteem we need for an emotionally healthy life.

In too many homes, parents are harassed and worried and overworked and irritable. They focus on the negative and produce choruses of negative messages. “You’re so stupid.” “You’re a bad brother.” “You’re so clumsy. You spill everything.” “How many times do I have to tell you the same thing?” ----- Deluged by the negative, children internalize these messages of these “knowledgeable and powerful people” and feel themselves to be what they are labeled!

More from YourTango: An Unconscious Preference

More from YourTango: Negative Feelings Are Normal

 

What children need is a diet of  positive messages. “You did a good job on your lunch.” “What a special picture.” “Thank you for being so helpful and bringing the scissors.” “You’re so nice to Johnny. What a good friend you are.” ----- Parents need to search for and focus on the good and highlight and express it often. Children will internalize these messages, feel good and do good.

So --- applause, please!

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Miriam Kove

Counselor/Therapist

Miriam Kove

Visit my website.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: BCD, LCSW, MS, MSW
Other Articles/News by Miriam Kove:

An Unconscious Preference

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Several weeks ago I went to visit some friends who have two delightful children, a five year old boy and a three year old girl. As we were playing and laughing and creating fun, it became very clear to me how much the Mom favored the little girl. She was responded to immediately while the boy had to call the Mom three or four times before he was heard. At ... Read more

Negative Feelings Are Normal

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They sat around the dining room table, playing Candyland--the mother, the grandmother, the 4 ½ year old boy and his 2 ½ year old sister. There was laughter and enthusiasm and good will. Then the little sister had had enough of being sedentary and attentive. She scooped up all the pieces, shoveled them over to herself and yelled, “All ... Read more

A Plea For Knowledgeable Parenting

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In conversation with a good friend, he mentioned how relieved he was that his grandson seems to have reached a contented, benevalent place. He and his daughter had been worried about the child's swearing, boasting, bossiness, telling his Mother that he hates her, yelling at people...I asked him how old his grandson was now. He had just turned five. I ... Read more

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