This time of the year can be especially tough for those who aren't getting the love they want in their lives. You're surrounded by holiday decorations, christmas music, carolers, those Santas ringing the bell in front of the grocery store and all the shopping advertisements you see plastered in store front windows. You're constantly reminded that the reality of your life is nowhere near where you want it to be.
The holidays bring up a lot of mixed emotions in many people. Falling in love during the holiday is a wonderful experience because the "holiday cheer" is intensified as you're looking at the world through rose colored goggles. But if you're dealing with heartache due to a breakup or relationship strife, the holidays can be excruciatingly tough for you. Here are three answers to your holiday questions and worries that will help you make this time of the year more bearable for you.
1. Are your expectations of the season sabotaging you?
This time of year is when many people try to recreate all their wonderful memories and positive feelings that they had when they were a young child. Why do the holidays create this expecation that this "magical" time of the year is supposed to transform all of your sorrow into bliss? Is it the Christmas music, the twinkling lights of a decorated tree, Christmas cookies and presents?
The holiday season reminds most people of a period in their life when they were happy. You didn't think of it at the time but as a young child, life was a lot less complicated in comparison to what life is like for you today. This is why the holidays can be so tough for many people.
They're reminded of happier times in their life when their current reality now is riddled with pain. They try to recreate old memories by filling up their planner with holiday festivities like holiday parties, caroling, gifts exchange, etc... Their high expectations of what they think their life should be prevents them from moving in a positive direction.
Instead of comparing yourself to where you think you ought to be (like enjoying a glass of eggnog in front of the fireplace with your loved one), accept the fact that your relationship isn't in the best shape these days and that constantly torturing and berating yourself isn’t going to make you feel any better or get you in the right frame of mind to fix your relationship.
2. What is the root of your holiday spirit?
As an act of self-preservation, most of us are conditioned to focus on the not so pleasant things in our lives so we can brace ourselves from the pain. Unfortunately, the more you focus on what's not happening in your relationship, the more you will unconsciously attract ways to bring more of what you don't want to happen.
Think of it like this: your life is made up by your actions, your actions are made up by your emotions and your emotions are made up by what you focus on. Instead of focusing on being miserable and why you're not happy, focus on what you are grateful for in your life. If you can't think of anything, you're not trying hard enough.
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