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Divorced Parenting: Camille & Kelsey Grammer's Mistakes

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camille grammer
Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Camille Grammer took her ex-husband to task.
Divorced co-parenting isn't easy, but it can be done.

On December 11, on an episode of Anderson Live, Camille Grammer stated that one of her children told her that he or she was not allowed to say "Camille" in Kelsey's — her ex-husband's/the child's father's — home. Because there is no communication between the parents right now, there was no way to talk this over, clarify the context or hear what was actually said.

Taking a child literally is a mistake made by many divorcing parents, particularly during the stressful time of the divorce process itself when emotions are truly heightened. Divorcing adults easily misunderstand, misinterpret and take things out of context when they are angry, afraid and under stress. I see this every day in my practice.

More from YourTango: PARENTING THROUGH DIVORCE SERIES: Protecting the Kids, Article1.

We cannot expect children, even older children, to have exceptionally mature adult judgment and interpret actions in context. Parents cannot take what their children say literally, without checking the facts first.

I don't know either of these parents or their children but as a long-experienced divorce specialist and divorced parents educator, I know this mistake happens when parents are unable to speak to each other directly. There is no way to correct a child's mistake or misinterpretation, which puts the burden of accuracy on on the child. Children who want a relationship with both parents are not able to be objective. This burden is too much for children, adolescents or young adults.

More from YourTango: Creating Successfully Blended Families

It's important to recognize that kids are not reliable reporters and should not be put in the position of "telling on" one parent and witnessing the other parent's major reaction. Parents must communicate directly with each other on the adult level. Almost all research studies agree that children take at least some unwarranted responsibility for their parents' divorce. When a child knows he or she has caused more friction — and especially public and exaggerated friction — between their separated parents, it is extremely painful and frightening. Continue reading ...

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Micki McWade

Divorce Coach

Micki McWade, LMSW

914 557-2900

Offices in Manhattan, Mt. Kisco and Fishkill NY

mickimcwade.com

The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. —Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Location: Mt, Kisco, NY
Credentials: CSW, LMSW, MSW
Other Articles/News by Micki McWade:

PARENTING THROUGH DIVORCE SERIES: Protecting the Kids, Article1.

By

A client had a common question for me this morning, and it made me think about sharing our exchange with readers at YourTango. Here's the truth: you can’t be too smart while going through divorce. The more you know about children and divorce, the better. You can avoid doing unintentional damage by learning as much as you can now. It's easier to ... Read more

Creating Successfully Blended Families

By

After perhaps a long dry spell of emotional deprivation, you finally find your soul mate and are in love with the person of your dreams! Elated and full of enthusiasm, you dream about how you will share your lives one day in a blended family. There will be someone to come home to. You will be part of a family again, instead of living alone as a single parent, ... Read more

How To Get Through Your Divorce Without Hating Your Ex (Really!)

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When divorce proceedings and mediation get heated (as they are often bound to), it's all too easy to get wrapped up in a ball of frustration and anger toward your ex. But will that really help you heal and move on? Here, relationship experts Lane Cobb and Micki McWade talk you through it. Working for a smooth divorce is no small task, as Cobb explains: ... Read more

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