Dating A Divorced Guy: Proceed With Caution

By

Dating A Divorced Guy: Proceed With Caution [EXPERT]
How to manage expectations and your own life while in a challenging relationship

First, be sure he's actually divorced or at least legally separated. There are those who will say they "are getting divorced" but are still living in the same house and maybe even sleeping in the same bed with their ex-to-be. The marriage may be over emotionally but not really over so there's a long bumpy road ahead for him.

It's important to clarify exactly where he is along the spectrum and end it quickly if he is not out of the marital home. Despite what he believes and says, he is not ready. If you choose to go ahead, you are choosing that bumpy long road for yourself as well.

Second, understand there are various, predictable emotional stages of separation and divorce. The longer the marriage, the longer the adjustment takes. The experience is even more intense when there are children involved.

Shock, disbelief, refusal to accept, anger, grief, begging for another chance, perhaps marital counseling or psychotherapy for one or both partners, finally giving up and the legal process — a disorienting time in itself — are all part of the emotional, financial, practical and parental adaptation.

Even after the legal process has been concluded, there is still processing and evaluation to be done by a newly divorced person. It takes at least a couple of years from the initial separation to go through the loss and pain and actually become truly open and available to another partner.

You will see a lot of emotional vacillation as he finds his way through the morass. You will need to be excessively patient and have few demands of your own.

More divorce advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Micki McWade

Divorce Coach

Micki McWade, LMSW

914 557-2900

Offices in Manhattan, Mt. Kisco and Fishkill NY

mickimcwade.com

The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. —Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Location: Mt, Kisco, NY
Credentials: CSW, LMSW, MSW
Other Articles/News by Micki McWade:

Why You'll Always Be Connected To Your Ex

By

After the divorce papers have settled and the air's been cleared, it feels like your family finally has a chance of moving on and starting fresh. Even though you loved your ex husband, things just weren't working out. And that's okay. But a lot of people seem to think that once you get a divorce, you're completely free of your ex spouse for good ... Read more

He Promised To Quit Drinking, But I Want To Leave Anyway

By

Being with someone who is an alcoholic is really tough. No matter how long you've been together, having to go through the highs and lows of his mood swings can be emotionally draining and exhausting. Staying seems co-dependent and leaving (especially when he needs you the most) just seems cruel. But what people don't realize is just how rough addiction ... Read more

Dad Is Moving Out? How To Break The News

By

When it comes to getting a divorce, having to deal with living apart is just the beginning. Unless someone has been through something like this personally, it's hard to describe the sheer amount of pain and jealousy that comes up when you realize that your husband is gone. And finding out that he has already moved on is even worse. As if being a single ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular