10 Tips for a Sane Divorce


10 Tips for a Sane Divorce
The difference in perspectives of the initiator and the non-initiator

8. Focus on yourself and avoid (as much as you can) getting wrapped up in wondering about how your mate is doing, what she’s saying, who he’s with, etc. This will lead to feelings of victimization and depression. Focus instead on what you can do for yourself and your children. Read a book, listen to music, exercise, read stories to your kids, volunteer for an organization, Don’t isolate yourself. Join groups that interest you. Gain independent experience, try new things.
9. Remember that your children need you. They still need a functional parent even if you are very upset. Tell them your upset is temporary and you will feel better soon. That will give them hope that the future will be better. Take care of yourself and find support. Call your local churches to find a divorce support group. Read supportive literature.
10. Try not to speak badly of the parent who left. A common misconception is that the one who left the home left both the spouse and the children. That’s not usually an accurate interpretation and hurts the children. He or she has left the marriage, not the kids and in fact, not their spouse entirely. The relationship has changed but a co-parenting relationship will go on forever.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Micki McWade

Divorce Coach

Micki McWade, LMSW

914 557-2900

Offices in Manhattan, Mt. Kisco and Fishkill NY


The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. —Thich Nhat Hanh


Location: Mt, Kisco, NY
Credentials: CSW, LMSW, MSW
Other Articles/News by Micki McWade:

PARENTING THROUGH DIVORCE SERIES: Protecting the Kids, Article1.


A client had a common question for me this morning, and it made me think about sharing our exchange with readers at YourTango. Here's the truth: you can’t be too smart while going through divorce. The more you know about children and divorce, the better. You can avoid doing unintentional damage by learning as much as you can now. It's easier to ... Read more

Creating Successfully Blended Families


After perhaps a long dry spell of emotional deprivation, you finally find your soul mate and are in love with the person of your dreams! Elated and full of enthusiasm, you dream about how you will share your lives one day in a blended family. There will be someone to come home to. You will be part of a family again, instead of living alone as a single parent, ... Read more

How To Get Through Your Divorce Without Hating Your Ex (Really!)

By ,

When divorce proceedings and mediation get heated (as they are often bound to), it's all too easy to get wrapped up in a ball of frustration and anger toward your ex. But will that really help you heal and move on? Here, relationship experts Lane Cobb and Micki McWade talk you through it. Working for a smooth divorce is no small task, as Cobb explains: ... Read more

See More


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.