It is cliché, but it can definitely be true. Women who do not have healthy attachments with a male figure as they grow up, tend to have difficulties in relationships with men throughout their lives. When we don’t form secure attachments as we grow up, we do not “complete” certain stages of development and we have insecurity in our attachments in our subsequent relationships. From infancy, we work through stages of development. If we have caregivers who are emotionally unavailable or rejecting, we will likely struggle with attaching to people in the future due to trust issues. We also subconsciously try to “complete” this developmental stage which is why we tend to have patterns in the partners we choose for relationships. Just like when we learn to walk, we fall down and keep trying over and over again until we master the task.
When women struggle with these issues, she will likely put in all of the effort in the relationship and allow her partner to get away with little, if any, reciprocity. She will tend to do things they don’t want to do like get involved physically too soon or overextend herself to her own detriment. She will feel undervalued and unappreciated, but not feel confident enough to ask for what she wants and deserves. By building self-esteem and establishing boundaries, we will find appropriate partners that are willing and able to treat us the way we deserve to be treated. In these relationships, we make a healthy impossible unless we work through our own issues to identify and change these dysfunctional core beliefs. When we are complete and healthy people, we choose partners who are a compliment to our lives instead of choosing someone to fill a void. If we are healthy mentally and emotionally, we will attract people who are as well. Only when we are able to effectively address these issues and focus on what we want and need, we are able to cultivate healthy and satisfying relationships.