7) Never call him unless returning a call. Don’t be clingy. I can’t emphasize this enough. Men will easily get turned off by a woman who calls or texts too much. It is overwhelming and can end a relationship before it starts. Again, like in rule 6, you are a busy woman. You have so many people and activities competing for your time and attention, you don’t have time to call him. Let him call you at least for the first couple of months. Again, this becomes diagnostic of how much energy he wants to invest. After your relationship is more established, call him, but still limit how much you do call. He is not a girlfriend with whom you should spend hours on the phone. If he has hours to spend on the phone, he can use the effort to see you.
8) Never return a call or text immediately. Remember, you are busy, busy, busy. Don’t sit by the phone waiting for a call or text. If this is anxiety provoking, find some other way to spend your time. You can bet he isn’t sitting by the phone waiting for you to call. Meanwhile, your life is passing you by. Get out there and live it.
9) Do not get physical. Hopefully, by this point, this goes without saying. For the first couple of months, you should limit your physical intimacy. We get far too emotionally attached when sex is involved in a relationship, but men don’t view this the same way. When you are intimate too soon in the relationship, you are investing too much too soon. He will not respect you if you give it up too soon. Remember, men like a challenge. This, however, is not to say that they like a tease. Don’t expect, like one unfortunate woman I know, a man to be ok with sleeping over in your bed without having sex. This is kind of a mind game is disrespectful on your part. You cannot expect anyone to be ok with you sending mixed messages. If he is pushing for more intimacy, let him know that you don’t feel comfortable with that until you know each other better. You need to respect your body too much not to.
10) Let go of the outcome. Let’s face it. All relationships end at some point. Some relationships are very short lived because they are not meant to be. This is no indication of your worth as a person. So many women are devastated when a first date does not become a relationship. They think it is because they are not pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough or fun enough. They don’t even stop to consider whether or not they even like the guy. Date like a man. Show up, have fun and if it works out, great, if not, on to the next one.
Will following these rules help you get married or find a long-term relationship? Maybe, maybe not, but by following these guidelines, you will quickly be able to weed out people who are not worth your time and energy. It may seem like adhering to these rules would be “playing games”. It isn’t a game, it is about showing someone you are worthy of their respect. The bottom line is that if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will either. Just like interviewing for a job, you need to make sure the man is someone you want, not just concern yourself with whether or not he wants you.
If you like this post, find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/MichelleLewisCounseling or on Twitter @LewisCounseling to receive weekly emotional and physical wellness tips, thoughts and articles.