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Why wait to get your ex back? Do something now

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Why wait to get your ex back? Do something now

Marriage preventative maintenance: why wait to get your ex back?

There are so many articles, programs, and e-books on the Internet about how to get your ex back after a breakup or divorce. Here is a question for you: why would you want to get someone back who has made it very clear that s/he does NOT want to be with you?

More from YourTango: Survey: When Would You Seek Help for Your Relationship

Here are two possible reasons you may have for wanting to get back together after a breakup or divorce:

1. I still love him/her.

While this may be true, if your spouse has walked out on the life you made together, what are you going to do? When someone walks out of a marriage, it is a pretty clear sign that s/he does not value the relationship enough to stick it out and see it through. Maybe the situation was left to deteriorate until it was beyond repair; maybe life had become unbearable for the one who left. But whatever the reason, at this point your love is not enough to keep your spouse with you.

If your spouse were to return, what would be different? What would you do differently to make the relationship work? If s/he were to happen to return, and neither of you do anything different, you will remain stuck and unhappy.

2. We have children together.

All the more reason to make sure that you maintain your relationship way before you get into problems that cannot be fixed (or that go on for so long and get so big that they become unsolvable). When you have children together, the children of divorce suffer and keep on suffering even as adults. This has been documented in the book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: the 25 Year Landmark Study.

I would urge you to learn all you can, attend workshops, marriage retreats, read books on relationship enhancement, etc., while you are doing well in your marriage. Once you have gone through a painful and expensive divorce, your chances of reconciliation are very low.

What this all boils down to is preventative maintenance. You do this with your car, hopefully. You get regular oil changes and tune ups so you can make sure your car carries you faithfully to your destinations. You get regular health checkups so you can prevent illnesses or at least be made aware of them before they have progressed to the point of endangering your health, right?

So why not do the same in your relationships? You may be thinking, "But that takes all the romance out of it." All right, then, answer this question: How romantic is a painful breakup or divorce? Avoid the pain and the last ditch effort to "get your ex back" by doing something now to create a closer, happier relationship with the one you love.

More from YourTango: Fear and Hatred Replay in Adult Relationships

If you need help getting your relationship back on track contact me and we will set up a complimentary Get Acquainted session to talk about your needs, desires, and goals and figure out together which program you would be best suited for.

Meanwhile, I invite you to sign up now to receive my free report on the Seven Deadly Habits and how they can destroy your relationship. Learn what you can do differently so you can create a more loving marriage. Here's the link to get your report: http://www.trueloverelationshipcoaching.com. Also, check out http://truelovesavemarriage.com.

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