Marriage is a process in which two unrelated people get together to build a life apart from the people they grew up with. It's understandable that these two people may have little to no experience or skills in the art of being married.
Most of the training the majority of people have had comes from their parents. Some parents provided wonderful examples of how to live together, negotiate differences, and respect and cherish each other. Unfortunately, far too many parents set horrible examples of how to be married and as a consequence their grown children repeat the only patterns they know.
It is very important that you understand that your childhood does not have to define the rest of your life. Many people simply go along their entire lives thinking, "If it was good enough for my parents, it's good enough for me." If you are reading this article, you are probably not satisfied with that thought.
Even if you have received the benefit of great examples from your parents, you are still going to experience differences as you learn to live with the one you have chosen. Conflict is a part of life. Yet, conflict does not have to be center-stage in your marriage. How you deal with the unavoidable differences between you and your spouse can make or break your marriage.
If you do not have the proper tools to deal with your differences and conflicts, you will tend to feel off-balance, tired, frustrated, and perhaps even fed up. You may feel like giving up. These feelings come from a limited understanding of all the possibilities of what you can do to problem-solve and resolve differences.
Think of this: in your work, you have many skills. You may have learned the art of negotiation and you know that if one thing doesn't work, you can try something else. You may have skills to communicate with difficult people and you know this takes patience and flexibility, and the ability to listen well. You may be an expert problem solver and be able to see things that others cannot figure out.
When you look at it this way, you got your skills through training, either in school, with a degree, or on the job. The only "on the job" training you have had for marriage has been observing your parents, who may not have been very skilled teachers.
So it's up to you to learn. Begin by thinking about your many skills in the work you do. Ask yourself how you might apply these skills to your marriage. If you don't know what to do, go to your local bookstore or library and start scouting out some books that will help you learn. If you need extra help, seek a relationship coach or a marriage therapist.
You can learn these skills and I submit to you that it is critical that you do for the sake of your marriage and your own mental health. If you are worried about the condition of your relationship and want to create a happy, successful one, check out True Love Relationship Coaching Webinars for Couples at http://trueloverelationshipcoach.com. Even if you are the only one working on your relationship, you can still make great improvements!