"For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Hamlet
If you think dating is easy and fun, you are right. If you think dating is hard and painstaking, you are right. How can this be? What do these two contradictory sentences have in common? Two things: you and your thoughts. You are the creator of your life. You can create yourself into a victim with severe limitations. Or you can choose to learn all you can about yourself and about dating successfully.
More from YourTango: Survey: When Would You Seek Help for Your Relationship
Since you are reading this, I believe you are not willing to remain in the victim role. But maybe you have no idea what to do to change your belief that dating is difficult. It all starts with your mindset. If you do not get a handle on the negative stuff running around your brain, you cannot proceed with successful dating. What are some examples of these negative thoughts that may plague your mind?
No one will like me if they know the "real me."
I have to pretend to be someone I am not to get people to like me.
I am not good enough.
Women are basically shallow gold-diggers.
Men are only interested in hot, younger women.
I am too old to date (substitute other words, like too fat, ugly, poor, shy, weird, messed up, nerdy, geeky…you get the idea)
Dating is too hard so I might as well get used to being single.
I am too set in my ways to learn how to date.
I don't want to work on myself.
Why can't people just accept me the way I am?
All of these negative thoughts that take over your mind and keep you awake at night are based in fear. It is the fear of the ego. Your ego does not want to die, so it protects you. Sadly, it protects you by holding you back. If you maintain that dating is hard, you do not have to make the effort to go out and expose yourself to rejection and heartache. You will remain safe. Safe and alone.
More from YourTango: Fear and Hatred Replay in Adult Relationships
Meanwhile, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Are you tired of doing this? If so, it is time for you to talk back to these negative thoughts! Every time you have a negative thought about dating, say, "Cancel that." Then turn the thought around into a positive thought. If it does not feel true, start learning how to make it true for you. This particular example comes from Silva Mind Training.
What positive dating self-fulfilling prophesies are you ready to create? Get yourself ready by learning all you can to help you find, attract, and keep the one for you. Get started with this free report, "Dating While Shy: 10 Tips to Improve Your Confidence" http://www.trueloverelationshipcoaching.com/2010/06/are-you-a-shy-dater/. Also check out "Facilidating: dating made easy for men" at http://facilidating.com.