Dating mindset: negative thoughts keep you stuck


Dating mindset: negative thoughts keep you stuck

"For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Hamlet

If you think dating is easy and fun, you are right. If you think dating is hard and painstaking, you are right. How can this be? What do these two contradictory sentences have in common? Two things: you and your thoughts. You are the creator of your life. You can create yourself into a victim with severe limitations. Or you can choose to learn all you can about yourself and about dating successfully.

More from YourTango: Survey: When Would You Seek Help for Your Relationship

Since you are reading this, I believe you are not willing to remain in the victim role. But maybe you have no idea what to do to change your belief that dating is difficult. It all starts with your mindset. If you do not get a handle on the negative stuff running around your brain, you cannot proceed with successful dating. What are some examples of these negative thoughts that may plague your mind?

No one will like me if they know the "real me."
I have to pretend to be someone I am not to get people to like me.
I am not good enough.
Women are basically shallow gold-diggers.
Men are only interested in hot, younger women.
I am too old to date (substitute other words, like too fat, ugly, poor, shy, weird, messed up, nerdy, geeky…you get the idea)
Dating is too hard so I might as well get used to being single.
I am too set in my ways to learn how to date.
I don't want to work on myself.
Why can't people just accept me the way I am?

All of these negative thoughts that take over your mind and keep you awake at night are based in fear. It is the fear of the ego. Your ego does not want to die, so it protects you. Sadly, it protects you by holding you back. If you maintain that dating is hard, you do not have to make the effort to go out and expose yourself to rejection and heartache. You will remain safe. Safe and alone.

More from YourTango: Fear and Hatred Replay in Adult Relationships

Meanwhile, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Are you tired of doing this? If so, it is time for you to talk back to these negative thoughts! Every time you have a negative thought about dating, say, "Cancel that." Then turn the thought around into a positive thought. If it does not feel true, start learning how to make it true for you. This particular example comes from Silva Mind Training.

What positive dating self-fulfilling prophesies are you ready to create? Get yourself ready by learning all you can to help you find, attract, and keep the one for you. Get started with this free report, "Dating While Shy: 10 Tips to Improve Your Confidence" Also check out "Facilidating: dating made easy for men" at

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Hug Text

The Case of the Ex

Does the mother of his kids want him back?

Winter Pair

Exactly What to Say to Men in Difficult Situations

In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men… especially the right men.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>