In Healthy Relationships, couples replace distancing and repetitive unhealthy patterns with healthier patterns that result in greater collaboration and harmony. With new awareness, self correction, and repetition, the new pattern will eventually take hold over time. Better collaboration will give each partner in the marriage or relationship increased confidence to achive a healther partnership. Some examples of these unhealthy patterns and their healthy alternatives are listed below (this list is by no means definitive):
Wasting energy on trying to change someone else vs. using your energy more efficiently to change yourself for better self care, resulting in greater harmony.
Intolerance of someone's faults vs. accepting them as a package deal, and learning to work around their limitations for better self care.
Projection of your style onto someone vs. accepting another's different style in handling something.
Micromanaging vs. effectively delegating and using a 70/30 equation of expectations.
Martyring yourself vs. advocating for your needs by finding middle ground.
Coming across entitled to your needs vs. earning your needs through mutual exchange.
Not prioritizing your relationship team vs. setting effective boundaries on team encroachments.
Focusing on the content (what you are talking about) vs. focusing on delivery (how you are saying it).
Blame and defensiveness vs. recognizing joint accountability in any situation.
Criticism and complaining vs. appreciation and proposals.
Lack of transparency vs. unveiling yourself.
Repeatedly getting hurt over expectations vs. factoring someone's history into your expectations.
Frustrating someone by "pulling the finish line" vs. expressing appreciation for what they have done
Failure of empathy vs. putting yourself in the other person's shoes as if you were them (not you).
Dismissal vs. listening and acknowledging.