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How to Get What You Want in Your Marriage (Without Complaining)

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How to Get What You Want in Your Marriage (Without Complaining)
"Of course I have to complain, my spouse never listens." Please, allow me to dispel this myth.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that setting solution-oriented goals and then asking for what you want in a more constructive way are extremely productive. But even though you've moved in a positive direction, you are only beginning to scratch the surface when it comes to keeping your marriage on track.

Asking May Not Matter At All

More from YourTango: How To Have A No-Stress 'Where Is This Going?' Talk

Sometimes, your partner may not respond the way you had hoped regadless of how well you make or time a request. There could be lots of reasons for this. There may be so much tension between you that your partner is not about to do anything you ask. Or, your spouse may be so uncertain about staying married, she or he may not be receptive to requests for change right now. You may have talked so much about your marriage that everything you say at this point goes in one ear and out the other.

If your marriage is dangling by a thread and your spouse has made it perfectly clear that she or he is not interested in working on your marriage, don't ask him or her for anything right now. You have very little bargaining power at the moment. Your first task is to get your spouse to realize what a good thing your spouse would be missing out on if she or he were to leave your marriage. Chances are, there have been times when you have asked your reluctant spouse for things that pushed hi or her farther away. So, don't ask your partner to change a thing right now if your marriage is extremely shaky. Instead, focus on not going down cheeseless tunnels.

Remember, if you've told yourself, "I talk until I'm blue in the face," or "It's in one ear and out the other," or "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times," you might just need to change what you're doing!!!

More from YourTango: The Top 12 Things Your Kids Think About Your Divorce

Michele Weiner Davis is the creator of the Divorce Busting Centers, learn more on how you can solve marriage problems and stop divorce and recover from infidelity. Follow me on Twitter @divorcebusting, Like the Divorce Busting Facebook Page, and subscribe to the Divorce Busting YouTube Videos for more advice and upcoming marriage saving events.

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Article contributed by

Michele Weiner-Davis

Counselor/Therapist

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW

www.DivorceBusting.com

phone: 303-444-7004

e-mail: question@divorcebusting.com

twitter: @DivorceBusting

facebook: Divorce Busting Page

Location: Boulder, CO
Credentials: MSW, Other
Specialties: Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Infidelity / Affair Recovery
Other Articles/News by Michele Weiner-Davis:

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