When it comes to relationships, round two can be more effective than round one.
Relationships can sometimes seem like cycles: Date. Break-up. Get back together. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. This is largely due to relationships being a process: In true Alanis Morissette style, we really do live, learn, love, learn, cry, learn, date Joey from Full House, learn, etc.
Because of this—because relationships are such a growing and learning process—sometimes it takes more than once to succeed. Sometimes, it takes two to make a thing go right (as well, of course, to make it outta sight).
In fact, round two can actually have more advantages than the initial union. Take into consideration the following:
5 Reasons Why The Second Time's A Charm
- Fewer Surprises: Round two of a relationship definitely allows for fewer surprises than the first time together. Though this may sound boring, it can actually be a very good thing. In round two, there are no surprises regarding her evil mother, no surprises regarding his penchant for eating fried chicken in bed (and naturally wiping his hands with the satin sheets), and no surprises regarding sex acts that involves a lot of urine. In other words, you already know each other so you know what you're in for. This can be invaluable.
- You Can Repair Old Mistakes: Round two also allows you to repair mistakes you may have made in the past. Perhaps the first time together he was too sensitive or she wanted him to quit all of his hobbies and hang out with her constantly. Maybe he was bad at communicating his feelings or she was emasculating in front of his friends. Whatever issue (or issues) that came between you, a second chance allows you to repair old mistakes by working on yourself. This can help make round two the round that sticks.
- You Can Avoid New Mistakes: In addition to repairing old mistakes, round two also allows you to avoid new ones. Think about it this way: The first time you road a bike, you probably made a lot of mistakes. Perhaps you rode into a neighbor's mailbox and knocked out your two front teeth; the second time riding was likely much more successful. While dating doesn't typically involve knocked out teeth—unless you date Ike Turner—the same logic can be applied. Because you already know what hurts your partner, what pisses them off, and the most important qualities that they need and value, you are better able to make them happy. And they, since they've also learned, are better able to make you happy.
- It's More Intimate: In round two, there is no need for the getting to know you portion of a relationship. You don't need to ask where a person grew up or what their favorite color is. You don't need to discuss what they do for a living or why their last relationship ended. You don't need the superficials because you already have them. This allows you to dive right into the meat of your relationship: Instead of focusing on the "know" you can focus on the "grow." You can concentrate on the aspects of the relationship that truly matter, while being better able to read each other, understand each other, and compromise with each other. Most importantly, your high level of intimacy allows you to communicate your wants and needs to each other much more effectively than people who are just beginning to date.
- Results In An Improved Union: The definitive advantage to round two is an improved union. When you factor in all the above—the ability to avoid mistakes, to correct mistakes, to truly know each other, to communicate, etc.—the relationship is practically tailor-made for success: It's like a super human with ideal genetics. To put it simply, all the above allows you to embark on a relationship that is both deep and stable, complete and withstanding. This adds up to round two being a round that could—in sticking with the boxing metaphor— ultimately result in a ring.
To learn more about the advantage of round two and giving your ex another chance, click here.
More break-up advice on YourTango:
- How To (Finally) Get Over Your Breakup And Move On
- Help! My Last Breakup Scarred Me For Life
- How To Get Over A Bad Breakup