Can A "Threesome" Save Your Relationship?

By

Can A "Threesome" Save Your Relationship?
Can a Threesome really be the answer to the behaviors that sabotage your relationships? Yes. It can.

Often, saying the word "threesome" to a man is like saying the word "walk" to a dog or saying the word "mirror" to Kanye West: it is an eye-brow raising, ears-pricking phrase. To put it simply, threesomes get men (and even women) excited (some may be drooling on their keyboards as we speak). 

When people think of a threesome, they may think of their bucket list, they may dig up the names of potential partners they penned back in high school, or they may think of that scene from Wild Things. But now that we have your undivided attention, erase all of these concepts from your mind. But the threesome I am referring to doesn't involve your ex's college roommate or that hot girl from the deli counter who always gives you extra pickles. That might be fun, but wouldn't do a lot to convince your ex that you are a good long term partner they can build their life with.

Instead, what you need to do is have a threesome with God.

Yes, a threesome. With God. I hope you'll forgive the crude monosyllable, but it is the most effective way to tell you what will work for you.

Before you dismiss me as a Bible thumper, imagine what level of hell I must be destined for, that I've spent too much time enjoying Colorado's newly passed freedoms or thinking that I narrowly escaped from the Hanwell Asylum, consider this: A fight between two people is a non-starter. It's a deadlock, an impasse. So, what do you do? You see things one way; the other person sees things another way (often the way that is the polar opposite). It's a tug of war where the strongest (or least interested) party wins.

What follows is predictable: the winner of the tug of war tends to keep winning (confidently dancing a little "Milli Vanilli" or "Cabbage Patch" in their mind) and the loser tends to keep losing (ultimately waltzing sadly towards defeat).

This ultimately results in the build-up of emotions: resentment, bitterness, and revenge amass and, before long, a knock down blow out fight erupts. This is where a third party can make all the difference. Luckily, there's a better, and more effective wayA third party can be an impartial voice, a mutually agreed upon
"tie-breaker" that guides your decisions; when passions flare, it can be the only "person" who holds the
key to a resolution.

This way, neither party feels like they’re "losing" an argument. Instead, they are each doing their part to build the relationship, actively and uniquely. That third party is "God". Or, if the idea makes you cringe, the third party can be a mutually agreed upon "Way of Seeing the World" or a mutually agreed upon "Value System".

This name "God" isn't the important part. The "Mutually Agreed Upon" is. Okay, fine, you say. You understand the idea, but how do you do it? Here are a couple ideas to get you started:

First of all, ask yourself: "What are the mutually agreed upon parts of my relationship that I can draw from to build a relationship with my ex again? What was it about my relationship in the beginning that made it special? That made it unlike any relationship I’ve ever had?" Perhaps the answer lies not in the first time you had sex or the first time you made each other laugh but in the moment that you said (out loud or to yourself): "You too? I thought I was the only one!"

Another idea to help you find your "Mutually Agreed Upon" system is to consider the concept of a mutual enemy. The fact is, nothing binds us closer as people than a common enemy, the feeling that it's "US" against "Them." Think about it this way: 75,000 people in a football stadium instantly become allies because they have an enemy in common: the visiting team. They don't care about each other's flaws or bad habits because, in that moment, they have a common goal of defeating their mutual enemy. That's enough to make them best friend (maybe not forever, but for at least the next sixty minutes).

The concept of a mutual enemy works in relationships as well. So, ask yourself: "who or what was our mutual enemy?" Perhaps it was a person or perhaps it was a concept. Maybe it was a political value or maybe it was something you both saw as immoral. Whatever it was, reach back and find it.

Click here to discover how a threesomes with God can save your relationship.

More pastoral counselor advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Michael Griswold

Relationship Coach

Michael Griswold

To Get Help With Your Relationship Now, Click Here...

Location: Norfolk, VA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Michael Griswold:

The 5 Things Women Notice About Men Right Away

By

The question of how to attract women naturally is one that some men answer more easily than others. Some can get a phone number with little more than a smile; others can only get a phone number when they pretend to work for the US Census Bureau. At the root of this, it seems unfair, unfair that women all but throw themselves at some men while never noticing ... Read more

Reconciling With An Ex: What To Do Before, During, And After

By

How to get your ex back: it's a question many people ask themselves right after a breakup. You may be determined, resolved in your goal to change yourself and become more appealing. Or you may be almost vengeful, hell bent on showing your ex exactly what they are missing. Then there’s the chance you are simply at your wit's end, desperate to ... Read more

Love Thyself: 5 Ways To Find Your Confidence

By

Dating, marriage, sustaining any type of relationship — romantic, platonic, familial, or business — it all takes confidence, confidence in your partner, confidence in others, but, most importantly, confidence in yourself. In fact, not knowing how to love yourself can, alone, cause a relationship to resemble something out of reality TV ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB