Girls might be made of sugar and spice and everything nice, but when they break your heart it seems like they are more composed of fangs and nails and scorpian tails. To put it simply, breakups hurt: they hurt your heart, they hurt your ego and, if you’re married, they hurt your wallet. They leave you startled, confused, and stopping just short of staring out a rain soaked window wondering what could have been. For some, they may even leave you determined, dedicated to researching how to get back together with an ex-girlfriend until your plan is lady-proof.
At times it may seem impossible, your ex tells you she wants nothing to do with you, she changes her locks, she even tells the security guard manning her apartment complex that you’re a former meth addict convinced that Xena the Princess Warrior is your biological mother. In other words, she plays hardball.
So, you can throw in the towel, letting the potential love of your life disappear forever. Or, you can fight for her – choosing to be the type of soldier that would make Mama Xena proud.
But, how do you do this? The truth is, there is no manual on how to get back together with an ex-girlfriend. Rather, you must rely heavily on your intimate knowledge of her to even have a chance. Then, once you’ve got that in your arsenal of reconciliation, try the following:
Give her space: We all know that whoever wrote “time heals all wounds” is really full of crap: there are just some wounds too deep to heal. But, time does change things, including your ex’s feelings towards you. While she might have been annoyed, frustrated, and angry when she dumped you, time softens these emotions. So, let her have it. Don’t send her text message or emails or seven dozen roses to her office. Give her a chance to miss you, before you do anything else.
Improve yourself: There are a million and one reasons why relationships end: concentrate on why yours did and improve your part in it. Sure, it probably wasn’t all your fault, but you are the only person you can control. Thus, work on whatever it is you need to improve. If you were bad at initiating things, work on making plans. If you were bad at expressing your feelings, start telling people how you feel. If you often said things you regretted, work on thinking before you speak.
Move on: It might sound weird to suggest you move on when you’re really trying to go back. But, move on doesn’t necessarily mean you need to get over her, rather, you need to give her the impression that you are. Think about the girls you have dumped: remember how you regretted it when you saw them with another guy? Women are like that too. Human nature compels us to always want what we don’t have (well…within reason, I don’t want herpes or anything). If she thinks you’re moving on, there’s a good chance she will become possessive and more open to reconciliation.
Casually contact her: After some time has passed and you’ve worked on yourself, contacting your ex is the next logical step. But, be sure you do it casually: telling her right off the bat that you want her back and you might stick your head in the oven if she says no is way too heavy. Instead, start with casual conversation – the Mets, the latest episode of Game of Thrones, how Mark from work was fired for sleeping with a subordinate – and then suggest meeting up. But, again, keep it casual: a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a Sunday matinee. Don’t break into her apartment and have all her stuff moved into your place: you see, we build to that.
Show her you’ve changed: This is perhaps the most important part of successfully reconciling with an ex-girlfriend. It’s essential to show her you have changed (read: show her, not tell her). There is a reason she broke up with you, so it’s your job to show her that reason no longer exists. Once you can do that, she’ll practically have no choice but give you another shot at love.
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