Tact is important when pursuing a reconciliation.
Girl meets boy. Girl dates boy. Girl leaves a message on boy's voicemail explaining that she is "needing some time alone to figure things out." Yes, it's a tale of love lost that is all too familiar.
This is the bad thing about dating: all too often it ends abruptly, cancelled faster than a Rosie O'Donnell variety show. Does the end really mean it's over? Nine out of ten people (and ten out of ten stalkers) agree: a breakup doesn't mean the end. Rather, it can actually be a positive thing, giving you time to reevaluate, change, and ultimately redeem yourself.
So, how do you go about this? How do you instigate Operation: Getting Girlfriend Back? Most importantly, how do you do it with tact?
In truth, there are probably about a million ways of getting your girlfriend back — writing her a love poem that actually rhymes, planning a romantic gesture that will make her swoon, faking a pregnancy (though this works better when you’re not a dude) — but we will focus on generalities. Thus, consider the following:
Show Her You've Changed
Your relationship ended for a reason. Some of it was your fault; some of it was hers. You can't change what has happened, but you can change yourself. However, it's not enough to tell her you've changed: you must show her.
Point a Finger at Yourself
The odds are exceptionally high that the demise of your relationship wasn't solely your fault. You did bad things and so did she. Once, even the cat was the culprit. Yet, when trying to reconcile, never focus on her role in your relationship troubles: only point the finger at yourself. Putting any blame on her — even if it's warranted — will put her on the defense, and make her much more likely to slam the relationship's proverbial door for a final time.
Give Her Space
It's difficult to give an ex space when you are trying to get back together. You give her space and your imagination runs wild — she is dating a television star, she is sleeping with the offensive line of your college football team, she's about to get married on a whim to the only guy in her yoga class. But, space is essential because it does two things: it gives her a chance to miss you and it gives you a chance to fix your faults.
Be Her Friend
No guy really wants to be placed in the Friend Zone — it’s sex free, for one thing. As difficult zone as it may be, sometimes it is necessary. Being her friend is a good way to demonstrate to her that 1) you have lots to offer 2) you care for her and 3) you are willing to take a demotion as long as it involves still being in her life. It also gives the both of you a chance to realize you truly like each other, which can ultimately lead to rekindling your like-like of each other.
Tell Her How You Feel
Pride often prevents us from being honest with those we love: we are afraid our hearts will be easier broken if we wear them on our sleeves. Yet, being forth-coming is important: your ex might not know you want to get back together unless you truly lay it out for her. So, don't assume she knows; instead, take a cue from Billy Joel, and tell her about it.
Don't Go Nuts
Women can make just about any man crazy; sometimes good crazy and sometimes bad crazy. When they instigate a breakup, the bad crazy tends to rear its ugly head. Still, no matter how crazy your ex makes you, you mustn’t go nuts — don't yell at them, don't refuse to leave them alone, and don't threaten to tell all their Facebook friends that their hair isn't naturally blond. Acting nuts can lead to damage that you can't repair. So, be calm, proceed with caution, and remember you're ultimate goal: to get her back by showing her what she is missing.
To learn more about getting your girlfriend back with tact, click here.