Follow these simple rules to make sure you have a chance at getting your ex back.
Most people in life want to find their happily ever after: They want to gallop off into the sunset with their knight in shining armor or the woman of their dreams. In other words, they want their fairytale.
But, what fairytales don't tell you is what happens after that ride off into the sunset is over, when the credits are rolling or the book is closed. Sometimes, that fairytale turns into anything but: Snow White becomes a nag, Prince Charming spends all of his time with the ugly step sisters, and Sleeping Beauty refuses to get out of bed.
For those of us going through a break-up, our once happy relationship can now seem like a shattered fairytale, a love that disintegrated faster than the Gingerbread Man in a cup of water. This usually causes us to go one of two ways: We sulk and then move on or we sulk and then form a plan to win back our love.
It may be hard to believe, but people who choose option two often have a smoother road than the "just get over it" alternative. This isn't to say reuniting is easy, but it's always possible.
It, however, can be like climbing a beanstalk: Put simply, it takes effort. But, the good news is that this effort usually pays off, as long as you are willing to work on your relationship troubles, your fairytale flaws. So, before you attempt to rewrite your story consider your game plan—the do's and don'ts of reconnecting with a lost love.
- Do admit your role and don't point fingers. Odds are, you are to blame for the relationship falling apart. These same odds suggest that your ex is also to blame: It takes two to tango and two to tangle. Yet, in trying to win an ex back, focus only on your flaws and don't even mention theirs. Mentioning theirs will place them on the defense, leaving you guys back to where you were: estranged.
- Do admit your interest and don't act desperate: In order for your ex to even consider getting back with you, they need to know you are interested. So, tell them. But, don't act desperate. Telling them once is one thing, texting them every hour on the hour is another. There is something off putting about a person who acts desperate; it's not attractive and will give your ex the opportunity to go off and do whatever they want while knowing full well you will be waiting around.
- Do perform the work and don't force your ex to help: If you are the person in the relationship who wants to reconcile, the onus of that reconciliation is on you. Yes, both you and your ex will have to change in some way in order to avoid the mistakes you made the first time around, but the actual act of reeling them back in falls on you. Don't ask your ex what you can do to win them back; instead, answer this question yourself: Gigure out what your ex wants and give it to them.
- Do focus on the good and don't focus on the bad: We all know that relationships mirror life: There are good times and there are bad times. But, when working on a reconciliation, the good times are what you need to focus on. Do this by working on changing your ex's mood, following the proverbial crumbs back to a time and place when you two were madly in love.
- Do be realistic and don't be overly practical: Reality and practicality are, in a lot of ways, synonymous, but this isn't necessarily true when it comes to love. Getting an ex back demands you to be in touch with reality. For instnace, if an ex has gotten married, moved to France, and had twins with their new spouse, the chance of reconciliation isn't particularly good. But, if your ex is still available and still thinks about you (even if this thinking involves angrily throwing darts at your picture), there is always more than a chance. This is even true if the practicalities don't necessarily line up: They've moved, they've begun dating, or it's been several months since your break-up.
More than anything, remember that if you want your ex back, you must be the one to make it happen. Nobody else will write your fairytale; it's up to you to be the author.
More breakup advice on YourTango:
- How To (Finally) Get Over Your Breakup And Move On
- How To Get Over A Bad Breakup
- Help! My Last Breakup Scarred Me For Life