If you take the right steps, your breakup can be the bet thing that happened to you. Here's how...
Chances are, most of us know a couple who broke up, got back together, and galloped off into the sunset (or settled down in the suburbs with 2.5 children). In fact, we may know several couples who have gone this route (or even gone it ourselves): according to Cosmo, recent research has found that as many as 50 percent of couples who break up get back together again.
This breakup could be in terms of a legal separation from marriage, a breakup when one party relocates (such as going off to college or getting transferred for work), taking a break when things just aren’t going well or a breakup as a result of a knockdown, drag out fight that leads to one or both parties looking for a hit-man in the yellow pages. Whatever the reason for the breakup, the 50 percent findings prove one thing: reconciliation is often a real possibility (so hold off on that hit-man for now).
But, before a breakup can really lead to a makeup, a few things need to happen. First of all, the parameters of the breakup need to be firmly set. In other words, both parties need to realize they are, in fact, broken up (to prevent people getting hurt, misunderstandings, and, most importantly, super awkward Facebook statuses).
Second of all, whatever issues caused the breakup to occur (you were working too much, your partner never let go of anything; you were uncommunicative, your partner wanted to have their Adam’s apple shaved down) need to be addressed. If they aren’t, in a few months you will just find yourself back to where you were before.
It’s also important that you only consider getting back together if you are doing it for the right reasons (to prove your parents wrong isn’t the right reason). This is because – per a study by Kansas State - people who get back together are much more likely to be impulsive than couples who never broke up in the first place. This ultimately leads to making decisions that may be regrettable later: moving in with each other, having a baby, eloping to Vegas and getting married by an Elvis impersonator or legally having your names changed to Brangelina.
Once you have made sure you are doing all the above, making up after a breakup can actually come with several benefits. Some of these include:
Starting Fresh: After a breakup, no one is threatening you with bodily harm if you don’t reconcile (unless you were dating the antagonist from pretty much every single Lifetime movie). Rather, you are choosing to get back together and that can be a wonderful jumping off point, allowing you to start with a clean slate.
Knowing What You Are Getting Into: Another benefit to making up after breaking up is that you and your ex have already seen the worst in each other: you’ve both yelled, you’ve both called each other names, you’ve both slung mud (and possibly a few dishes). You’ve seen each other’s true colors (making Cyndi Lauper so proud) and still are willing to give it a go.Which means you're closer to him (or her) than anyone else. There's a safety, a comfort that comes from experience.
Having A Plan: You are now aware of the difficulties your relationship will face (or has faced): you can see problems coming from a mile away. This allows the two of you to sit down and make a plan of action, ultimately preparing you to handle things better in the event your original issues return with a vengeance.
Cherish Each Other More: The old adage “you never know what you have until it’s gone” is often very true, particularly in breakups. Chances are, when you lost your partner, you began to feel as if you loved them to a greater degree than you did when you were with them (kind of like how everyone felt when Arrested Development was unjustly yanked off the air). This yearning gives you the opportunity to cherish your partner, once you get them back, even more than you did before, making you willing to try harder, work on your problems more often, and communicate your needs effectively.