Sometimes, a breakup can feel like dedicating months of your life to searching for Big Foot, only to find out that it’s been a middle-aged man dressed in a costume all along. Not much advice for relationships, or so it seems, will fix that. Simply, breakups have a sort of “wasted time” slant to them: you’ve invested your love into this one person, and it ended up going nowhere. But, it could’ve been different.
Now, before you cue up former pop sensation Tiffany – Could’ve been so beautiful, could’ve been so right – allow me to clarify the advice for relationships I am doling out: the could’ve been doesn’t apply to all relationships. Some never had a chance: there was never a “could’ve been,” there was only a “couldn’t.”
This “couldn’t” can happen for a lot of reasons - you weren’t ready to date; they didn’t know what they wanted; you were making a move from Cheyenne, Wyoming to Buffalo, New York; they were making a move from freedom to prison – but it tends to happen much more often when the person you chose to date was never good for you to begin with.
So, what does this all mean? Basically, it means you can save yourself time, heartbreak, and loads of frustration by staying away from the “couldn’ts.” In short, refrain from dating the following types of people:
Those hung up on their ex
It’s hard to find someone who doesn’t have an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend or twenty. The older we get, the more likely we are to date people who have several exes, including ex-spouses. While there is nothing wrong with this – we all have a past – if they are still hung up on their ex, you’re wasting your time. People hung up on the past are much more likely to reignite an old flame than they are ignite a new one.
Those who are bitter and defeated
We’ve all had our fair share of bad dates - perhaps we’ve dated a man who was a proud Dendrophiliac or a woman who secretly told everyone we were engaged….after our first date. The point is, we’ve all been there. Some of us have been able to get over it, others can’t help but dwell. But, dating those who fall into the latter category can be dangerous ground: people who are defeated by romance tend to find fault in everything that has to do with dating. They are unable to find happiness, and this makes you miserable in the process.
Those who you’re trying to fix