Do you have a bully in your life that won’t go away?
I did. I finally stood up to my bully. I didn’t really realize I had a bully until a few weeks ago, when I was in a heated conversation with this person, I had a light bulb go off that said to me: “he is bluffing…he is trying to get the most out of you and get what he wants”. And then in that moment I knew I was being bullied.
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This was an ex of mine (but your love bully can be your current partner, someone who is very controlling and bossy in many areas of you relationship) and because of our past together I came to realize that the Love that once brought us together was the excuse for one of us to control and dominate the other. I hadn’t yet experienced this and I was kind of taken by surprise. I like to think that I am a bit naïve when it comes to Love and I just could not imagine someone doing what this person was doing to me. I stood up in that moment and shouted as tears fell down my cheeks “I am not afraid of you! You don’t scare me anymore! I will not allow you to bully me anymore!”. That was the first step to my declaration of independence. There will be a few more steps to take but I am so grateful I saw the signs and I took action.
After this experience, I told myself that I had to share it and the lessons so that if someone else is going through the same or similar situation, maybe my experience can help them.
So here are the top 3 signs that you are dealing with a Love bully:
1. You find yourself accommodating your partner or ex. You actually do everything you can to make sure that person is happy with you even if it means compromising yourself; you avoid confrontation with them.
2. When around or talking to this person you feel small and a bit powerless. You feel you have to keep the peace and bend over backwards so the person does not get mad or takes his or her attention from you because of something you did; you are afraid they might silently punish you.
3. You know there are certain actions you need to take with this person and you procrastinate and never get to it. It is almost like you are paralyzed. You know you have to do something, but your subconscious mind finds all the possible excuses to not do it.
If you recognize any of these symptoms, please, please, please seek help. You are being bullied if not abused in some way and when you are in it you can’t see it.
So now what, you might say; how can you remove this person from your life? Well it can be a very long process if you choose it to be, but first you must accept that this person is not good for you and that you need to do something about it. Then once you have accepted that this person doesn’t serve you for the highest good, you must make a decision of action. For me it was taking this person to court and having him face his responsibilities in front of a court of his peers. Many of these people don’t even realize they are bullies because they have convinced themselves of the lies they make up in their minds about who they are. So once they have an outsider come into the picture, reality sets and they wake up, hopefully.
Whatever action you take, whether it is as drastic as what I did or as small as just not interacting with them anymore, you must take action or what you resist persist and the same drama will repeat itself over and over again.
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I would like to leave you with a gift. This is the affirmation I used to empower myself and stand my ground: I am free from the past, free from the oppression of the fear, free to stand proud and declare I am worthy of respect, I Love myself enough to choose respect, power and justice.
To your power and freedom, may you have the strength to take action!