About how many times a week do you think couples are having sex? It is a question a lot of people think about, so let's talk.
But the real question is, is how many times are they having satisfying sex? Everyone is different but as long as both partners are happy with the frequency of the sexual contact then all is good.
Here is the thing. Sex is the highest form of communication that we have and all that ‘conversation stuff’ is all foreplay. So let's talk about how communication, conversations and connection all ties in with having phenomenal sex.
The truth is, sex is all about communication and is our most intimate form of communicating with our partners.
How we connect with others comes naturally to some and for others it is not so natural, but it is essential for building awesome relationships. We communicate and transmit information all day long; If I am available or not, I am relaxed, I like you, I love you or maybe even if I want to have sex or not.
The absence of good communication between couples can cause many problems, pain, misunderstandings, conflict, disconnection, lack of harmony and love and yes when this happens this can mean less sex too. This is how we end up in the proverbial "catch-22" of disconnection. We feel upset with our partners or they are upset with us and we disconnect emotionally and then disengage physically. We soon end up in a relationship that is a spiral of doom. We need physical intimacy to feel happy and connected emotionally and we need an emotional connection to have some form of wonderful physical intimacy.
Love after all is an action word.
To have more love, quality connection, passion and intimacy in your life you must be more loving and this is where being able to communicate in more loving ways will elevate your relationship to levels of intimacy. No relationship can be truly happy, fulfilling and successful without knowing how to express yourself to the important people in your life.
Relationships need safety and healthy attachment to thrive. The one question we all need to know from our partners is, “are you there for me” and when we trust that someone is there for us it builds a connection and possibly even safe space for great sex.
If your relationship is not thriving in the way you would like and you don’t understand why not, ask yourself what you could do to improve connection with your love.
Here is a list of ideas to get you started with reconnecting. Think of the whole day as foreplay!
(I am sure you can come up with a few of your own as well.)
1. Positively engage, listen, be curious
2. Be calm and non-reactive, explain what you need and want clearly
3. Be appreciative and grateful for what your partner brings to the relationship, thank them for the things they do
4. Share common interests, time together
5. Laugh with each other
6. Be openly affectionate, look at her/him directly
7. Be transparent and trustworthy
8. Do not criticize, blame or judge
9. Put your phone away
10. Check in for 20 minutes everyday, great relationship connector
11. Smile at each other
12. text little things during the day
13. gifts for no special reason are nice
14. look after yourself which means you take care of yourself, body, mind and soul
15. grow, learn, create, be inspired
16. be happy
17. kiss and kiss some more
19. offer to help, support, be of value
20. be loving, caring, kind, compassionate
As Rumi says; Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it
Love Mheyah ♥
This article was originally published at Mheyah Bailey @ Connection Point Centre. Reprinted with permission from the author.