Find a language to express your sexual desire – Many women are uncomfortable or unaccustomed to talking about their sexual excitement. It is worth it to find ways to express yourself in words and actions to show your partner what you like about them and what they do for you sexually. Don’t leave your partner wondering if it was fun for you.
Be kind – Your partner may not be in shape like Channing Tatum, but you may not exactly be Jessica Alba. Perfection is not the only version of sexy. Watch both the way you think and talk about your own body and your partner’s. If you feel like your partner has stopped trying, consider how hard it would be to stay motivated to be attractive if you have never had any positive feedback about how you look.
Don’t consider your willingness to have sex with someone the only responsibility you have for showing attraction – Sex is not something we dole out to men as rewards. Own your own sexual drive and the many reasons you may wish to be sexual with someone. It should be a reward for you too, and you both should know it.
Stop making men’s sexuality the butt of jokes - . I hear both men and women laughingly say in relation to male nudity, “put that away, no one wants to see that”. But the effect this has on men and boys, in relation to honoring their own bodies, is not funny. Consider how you would respond to a group of men making demeaning jokes about women’s bodies. Now ask yourself, why is this ok to do to men?
It is natural to want to feel desired and to be attracted to others. These are feelings both men and women deserve and can thrive on. Let’s do a better job of making space for men and women to be seen and appreciated as sexy.