Breaking Up and Letting Go
By Moushumi Ghose. Posted on .
If there is one constant we can count on in life, it’s change. Change is the only thing that remains constant. What this means is that we need to learn to live and let live, and learn to let go. What this also means is that life is full of loss. We lose people in our lives. Friends come and go, co-workers forget us, family members go off to college, get married, move abroad, and pets, parents and grandparents die. Those are all things we can count on for sure, people moving on. But there are the ones, which we don’t expect, like a break up or an unplanned or accidental death. These happen too. And, they are all painful. But sometimes an abrupt break (or accidental unplanned death, which I’ll leave for another day) up can seem so much worse.
Some studies suggest that women who have Caesarian section or C-section births are more likely to face post partum depression. The theory is that the cutting of the stomach and severing of the birthing process, not allowing the birth to happen naturally and unfold on its own completely, prevents the mother and child to experience the bonding which occurs during the complete birthing process. And much like the physical wound this leaves severed emotions hanging out there in the wind like chopped tendrils. The same thing often happens to us in a break up. It feels like the process was incomplete.
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In our society, we live under the notion that hopefully there is one, maybe two life partners. For some maybe even this is too high a number, and for others if only they had stopped at two, and been forced to get it right they wouldn’t be so quick to jump to the next relationship and quick to find faults with everyone. The truth of the matter is however, the latter who has experienced many breakups, which are much like deaths, may even not get it right.
But, maybe there is an art to breaking up, and perhaps, I think, that is recognizing and understanding that the relationship ran its course. Hopefully you can do this easily, and many do when both parties agree that the relationship is not working and yes, has run its course. But sometimes this can be hard especially in the type of situation where one person was blissfully happy and the other person pulled the rug out from right under their feet, which is how many breakups happen too. If one person in the relationship is unhappy, chances are the other person is unhappy somewhere in there too.
