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Use Your Social Life To Get The Love Life You Crave

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Contributor
Love, Self

How changing your social mindset can lead to success in your search for love.

If you're single: do you dream of dating a rock climber but spend all your free time playing games online? If you're coupled up, do you leave an evening with friends feeling encouraged or downtrodden? If you're not enthused about where you are or who you're with, you're probably not making you or your partner happy. If certain activities or relationships aren't helping you live your best love life, it's time to reevaluate—and taking a break from them is a good place to start. Here's how to do it. 5 Things Single Women Hate To Hear

If you're in a relationship…
As an expert in this area, what I can tell you is this: relationship success takes time and ALL success is related to your attitude. Maintaining a positive attitude when you're searching for or building a relationship is the key to making it happen.

It's hard to sustain your positivity when what you want isn't happening. My advice: don't give up! Lighten up, smile and remember that the truth is simple, but rarely is it easy. When you start to doubt, the best and most appropriate action is to stop doing what isn't working. My suggestion, make this a time to date yourself.

Start doing more of what makes you and your partner happy. Do you love sleeping in? Watching old movies? Maybe you truly value a clean home and an uncluttered environment? Are you inspired by nature? Love to take a walk in the woods or listen to the birds sing? Maybe you feel motivated by beauty, art, or music? Or perhaps helping other people inspires you?

Whatever activities make you feel the most pampered, the most loved and the most cherished are the things to do now.

By reconnecting with your higher, more loving selves, you remove the "neediness" and negativity that arise when we're feeling less than. Use these reconnection retreats whenever you find negativity arising in your relationship.

Dr. Liz Zed, Counselor/Therapist

If you're single…
Savvy singles should determine whether a social activity is an opportunity or a threat to their love lives. Think location, location, location. Where does your "target market" hang out or even buy their groceries? It's not just about where you go that counts, but what you do when you get there. Engage in social activities that attract large numbers of like-minded people in settings where you are comfortable being proactive in meeting them.

Date with integrity. Choose activities that speak to who you truly are. Don't pursue a hobby just because it will help you meet men or women. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. Don't attempt to find potential dates with anyone who overshadows you or depresses you.

Blend the online with the offline. Try Meetup.com or Howaboutwe.com. If that fails, take classes at the Learning Annex, go to events listed in Time Out or throw a dinner party that requires everyone to bring a single (platonic) friend. 365 Days Of Online Dating

For the love of God, stop winking! Have a professional give your profile a makeover. Learn how to write non-generic sounding messages. (Because you were probably just copying and pasting; weren't you?) Decide on your top ten most important criteria, and don't date anyone who doesn't fit the bill.

Rachel Russo, Dating Coach

Avoid online dating burnout...
When I coach clients who are on the "never-ending" bad date spiral, chances are, what's really happening is that your attitude and behavior are being impacted by your disappointment, sadness and anger about your situation. In this scenario, the only solution is to take a break to reconnect with a more loving, positive part of yourself who can begin to draw in more compatible matches.

What's happening is that the expectation of a bad match has taken over the hope that you'll find love. At any time, if you have the sense that you're a great catch but you're just not drawing in the "right kinds" of mates, it's time to take a pause to see what the problem is: could your profile use an objective re-do? Enlist an honest friend to help. Perhaps you should try a different service, or perhaps you should change up your online habits altogether: do you usually wait for a man to contact you? Why not try reaching out to him instead? Above all else, know that you're worth of finding a match and carry yourself in that way, on and offline. 6 Secret Places To Meet Men

The trick here is to not be afraid of missing the right person when you take your break. Trust that by doing this that you'll turn on the light inside of you that more closely matches your true self. Then your "luck" at finding a match will one again begin to soar.

Melanie Gorman, Counselor/Therapist

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