Feeling Desperate? Change Your Mindset To Improve Your Lovelife!


Feeling Desperate? Change Your Mindset To Improve Your Lovelife!

2. Look at your pattern for seeking help, and change it. If you're someone who reads self-help books, watches Oprah religiously and reads every relationship magazine on the newsstand, take a break from all of the advice. Trust that in all the years that you've been looking for love that something has actually sunk in. When you need it, it will be there. Likewise, if you're someone who never asks for help, try asking for some. Find a mentor, trusted friend, coach or author to teach you how to create the life you want. Let this person serve as a role model for how to live a confident life.

3. Give love back to other people, places or pets. Put yourself in the role of giving to others. Volunteer at a shelter, help build a Habitat for Humanity project, foster a pet or take care of a sick relative. Take your focus off yourself and consciously place it on others. Over time, you'll find that by giving to others they will give back to you. Sometimes this "give-back" happens directly in the form of affection or words, and other times you're simply given the opportunity to be in a more generous, loving place. Either way, the experience will remind you what real love is like, and help to strengthen your resolve when potential suitors give you less. It will become much easier to let go of relationships that are "not good enough" once you've experienced one that is.

4. Give yourself a makeover. You don't have to spend a ton to do this, but changing your look can do wonders to how you "see" yourself. Get a haircut, try a new color, invest in a new seasonal wardrobe (try Goodwill, they have tons there), paint your nails or change your makeup. Do something to physically change your outward appearance and try on this new "less fearful" you. 

5. Give the judge and jury in your head a rest. Every court in the country takes time off even if only for snow days and scheduled vacation. Give the men in black robes in your head a month off. Create a mantra to say to yourself when you hear them speak up. Simply repeat "you're on vacation, I'll talk to you next month" when they begin to call. If you can't settle the voices down, do something. Physical activity of any kind can help distract you from yourself. Play music, wash the dishes, turn on the TV, go for a hike, call a friend; remove your attention from what you're thinking and do something so you're less likely to fall into the trap of obsessing about things that are negative.

Try one of these ideas to get started, or try them all for a deeper impact.

Desperate people have to change something in their mind to reset their engines. No one wants to be the friend who is constantly in need of reassurance or perpetually afraid that they'll die alone. Just remember that it takes time and it's normal for your fearful feelings to come back in spades when you're back in the dating scene. That's just life giving you a chance to try out your new, more confident self.  

Article contributed by

Melanie Gorman

Business Coach

Melanie Gorman, M.A.

SR. VP YourTango Experts




Phone: 410-923-6905

Location: Crownsville, MD
Credentials: MA
Specialties: Career, Communication Problems, Empowering Women
Other Articles/News by Melanie Gorman:

Ladies, Great Sex Really Can Make Your Relationship Stronger!

By , , , ,

Okay, we have to admit that we're totally hopeless romantics. Just the thought of having a relationship where we get butterflies every single time we're with our partner puts a smile on our face; it makes us want to believe that real love is all about connecting with someone without the physical. But one thing that people don't realize is that sex ... Read more

Getting Over His Affair Won't Be Easy, But There Are Ways To Deal

By , , , ,

After all of the anniversaries and memories, finding out that your husband broke his wedding vows by cheating on you is such a hard thing to deal with. There's nothing worse than feeling like you've been betrayed and that you lost your lover and best friend. And who could blame you? After spending so many years with the love of your life and raising a ... Read more

So, Is There A Cheat Sheet On Making Love Last Forever?

By , , , ,

In what is shaping up to be the sweetest surprise of the year, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally decided to "make it official". With 10 years (and a growing family) under their belt, seeing how in love they are totally gives us hope. Even after being together for years, there's something beautiful about still being able to get that feeling of ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular