“No, no, WAIT,…Matthew!” My despair was barely audible as my throat closed and my heart sank deep within my chest. I jumped from my seat on the floor, and desperately reached my hand across the bed in attempts to reconnect with him. He reached to me, still making love to Sarah, with a look of heartrending understanding,… and there, we held each-others gaze. Although we felt and understood each other in the moment, the intensity of my emotion overrode any objectivity and propelled me to escape. I was naked on every level, and suddenly, very uncomfortably aware of it. Grabbing the closest blanket, I ran from the bedroom, throwing my-self down on the couch, shaky, frightened and sobbing.
A concerned Stephen came following after me, soon followed by Sarah and Matthew. Fortunately, everyone was deeply present, compassionate and understanding with my feelings. Stephen sweetly held and comforted me, explaining that everything was alright, and that this was a completely natural reaction. I trusted him on that, as he was seasoned in an open marriage for several years already, so he was well versed within this context. He had seen this all before. Matthew and Sarah held me, and shared their comforting words as well, fully accepting of all that was within the moment.