Men: How 50 Shades Of Grey Can Actually Help You

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You don't have to be a billionaire to learn from a man millions of woman want as an idealized lover!

Guys, if you feel you do not understand women, one great resource is 50 Shades of Grey. My wife and I were flying to a conference in Baltimore last weekend, and she mentioned that she wanted to read the book on the plane. Two minutes later, I had it downloaded to her Kindle app on her S5. The great thing about Kindle is that no one else can see what you are reading when out in public. I decided to use this cloak of invisibility and dive into the book myself. With all the hype, I had low expectations. What I have found so far in the first three chapters is the perfect story for teaching men the in's and out's of the female mind.

1. Morality vs. Experience

The lead characters are archetypes of the two ways humans can exist in the world, thinking and experiencing. Anastasia is the thinker. She is a woman who has never found love because she is so lost in her mind thinking about the morality of every situation. Is she good or bad? Is this decision right or wrong? She is constantly judging herself, mostly negatively in all her interactions with Christian in the first six chapters.

Christian is the "experiencer." He is not so busy thinking about every situation as he is showing up, fully present and experiencing every scene he is in. Most men get lost thinking that woman want them for what they have or what they accomplish. It would be wrong to write off Christian because he is a billionaire. The money is just a short cut to experience and makes the fantasy better. You can show up to anyone as fully present and open to experience without the billions in the bank. All you need to have is a clear vision of who you are and what kind of difference you want to make in the world. That is what women find attractive. Having all the money in the world, but not being present with the woman you desire, will leave her as empty and unfulfilled as a jelly donut.

2. Powerful Lesson In Consent

"Because I am not going to touch you, Anastasia — not until I have your written consent to do so."

After her finals, Anastasia goes out to a bar with a couple of friends and drinks too much. She makes a drunk dial to her dark knight who shows up in the nick of time. Another friend, who had secretly harbored desires for Anastasia makes his move to pressure her into a physical encounter while she is out of her mind. She protests and he continues until Christian comes to the rescue and puts him in his place.

Women need to feel safe with the man they are dating. Christian shows he cares by taking care of her when she is vulnerable and not taking advantage of the situation. Yes, women can be confusing. When lost in their heads thinking, they are yes one moment and no the next. If you show a woman your strength of character and prove that you will be there for her when she is feeling weak, you will win her heart. Let her sleep in your bed and not touch her, you will show just how different you are. Best of all you do not have to be a billionaire to do that, it's free.

Granted, I do not know of any men with a written consent form. You still need it. Often women will tell you with non-verbal body language. You need to learn how to read a woman. If you are not sure if you have consent, the first kiss will tell you. A good kiss can show a woman you desire her and you respect her at the same time.

3. Upfront Honesty (Do it slowly)

Dating feels like politics, it is game — lying to see if each side can get what they secretly desire. If you know who you are as a man and what you want in this world. Being upfront and honest about it is the best and fastest way to getting it. Lying, manipulation and pretending just lead you down a path of destruction. Eventually the truth comes out. Instead wasting your energy hiding and manipulating, you can try being honest right up front. That will give you more energy and that will lead to more passion, depth and connection in your relationship.

The trick is to reveal yourself slowly. Think of it as emotional strip poker. Each person takes turns revealing a little more about themselves bit by bit. It is the story with twists and turns that engage the mind and get a woman thinking about you, who you are, and what you will do next. You can use your truth that you feel is unattractive to push a woman you are interested in away. Then use another truth to pull her back in. It is the drama and tension that captures the mind.

Christian could "buy" any woman he wants. He can purchase any experience. It is the process of winning Anastasia by slowly creating experiences where he can reveal his honest self that makes this book a best seller and a blueprint for every guy who really wants to understand a woman.


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