Samantha* had a similar occurrence. She came to me because every time her new boyfriend mentioned a female friend of his, she wanted to know everything about that friend. She couldn’t stop asking him questions. She wanted to befriend his female friends on Facebook and see what they were saying to him. She did searches on Intellius to find out the women’s ages and little details. She also looked through their Facebook photos to see if she could find any with her boyfriend in them. She didn’t know WHY she was behaving this way and wanted to stop. She felt very insecure and didn’t know what to do.
So let me tell you what is usually going on when we do these things.
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Reasons why we research the former women in our man’s life:
- Lack of trust
- Fear of inadequacy or measuring up to her
- Fear he still desires her
- Fear he’ll go back to her
There are other reasons, of course. But the main thing you need to know is you need to get a handle on yourself and your actions. Deal with your insecurities. It is never about the other woman. It is about what you and he have or don’t have (a secure relationship). Talk to him about how you feel. Talk to a counselor or dating coach if you need to.
STOP being so insecure. Stop stalking his exes.
If you can’t trust your man, let him go.
If you know he hasn’t done anything wrong and it is just your insecurities causing all this drama and worry, get therapy. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. It will only make you better.
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Have you ever researched an ex? Comment below if so.