3 – He is deciding on WHOM to make his girlfriend. He may have you and someone else as contenders but he hasn’t decided which one of you makes the grade. In this case he really does like you and sees you as marriage material, but he also feels strongly about the other woman/women. He will eventually commit to one of you once he decides which is a better fit.
4 – You have issues to work on before he will commit. In this scenario, again, he really does like you, but there is something about you that he is hoping will change or he wants to see some growth in that area (or in you) before he will be comfortable making you the wife. He can’t come out and say this, so he keeps quiet about the issue. He may have mentioned this area/issue of yours in passing but it started an argument, so he hasn’t brought it up again. Nonetheless, he won’t commit until this issue is resolved.
5- He knows he doesn’t have to commit to you to keep you. This is the one that I see most, as a coach. A woman claims she wants exclusivity, but she is practically living with a man who has not been exclusive with her. She threatens to leave him if he won’t commit, but she never does. He knows he doesn’t have to commit – that you are in love with him and he can do anything he wants and you won’t leave. He isn’t afraid of losing you, so why should he commit when he is getting everything he wants already? You are stuck and he knows it.
With any of these reasons, you can still take control of the situation. It is very easy, really. If you are not yet in love with him, let the relationship stay on the casual level until he has already committed to you. That means do not sleep with him or give him your heart before he has already told you he wants to be exclusive with you. (Read How Divas Date for more information on that).
If you are already in love with him and are waiting for him to give you a commitment, you must be strong and let him know that you will not continue to be with him without one. Tell him that you love him but you want a committed relationship and it doesn’t look like he is able to give you that. But as with reason number five, you must be willing to walk if he won’t. Unless he experiences losing you, he may not ever see committing to you. And if his reasons are number one or two, you will never really have him anyway, so you should cut your losses now before you get in any deeper. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.
Don’t be the woman who was strung along for years and then was devastated when he married some woman he only knew for six months!
Have a serious talk with him. Ask him why he isn’t willing to make the relationship official. Believe his answer and act accordingly. If he insists it’s a timing issue, ask what he believes the time frame will be. Then decide if you can wait or not. If he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, that is a bad sign and could mean you fit into reason one, two or five.
I’m always available if you need to talk to someone about your situation. Good luck!