When Dating, Excuses, Excuses
By Matchmaker Janis Spindel. Posted on .
When dating, you like to tell yourself you’re a strong, independent woman that wouldn’t tolerate any form of cheating. But then you find yourself in a situation where the lines are blurred and you’re not really sure which side you stand on. Perhaps it’s the first time you’ve heard this excuse from your man, but there are certain lines that have been said time and time again.
1. “I was really, really drunk”: It’s a line you yourself have used once or twice. Like that on morning you woke up and realized you ate all the Thanksgiving leftovers. Or that night you busted your knee from tripping in your “sturdiest” stilettos. So when you hear other people say it, you can sympathize. The one exception is when your man tries to explain away promiscuity by blaming it on his level of intoxication. No degree of inebriation should be able to erase from your memory that you are off the market. And if it does, perhaps his idea of a “committed” relationship is different from yours.
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2. “She came on to me”: There’s a certain breed of woman that is very predatory. They come on to men with unparalleled aggression and often don’t take no for an answer. This doesn’t mean that men aren’t able to say no to them. Unless the man you’re dating is 5ft. 3 and 110 pounds, he should be able to defend himself from these women. If he says she came on to him, he may not be lying. But if he says he couldn’t defend himself, its either she got all her friends to pin him down at the bar (unlikely) or he didn’t put up much of a fight.
3. “I didn’t think anyone would find out”: First of all, what he really means is that he didn’t think you would find out. Its one thing if something happened (no matter how minor) and he told you, but it’s another thing to not say anything at all. Secondly, when you hear a line like this, it should automatically raise a red flag. What other things within your relationship is he keeping a secret? Remember, omitting information is just as bad as not telling the truth.
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4. “I’ve never remotely cheated before. Ever”: As the saying goes, there’s a first time for everything. He may not have meant to do it, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. It may also raise questions about each other’s definition of “cheating”. How do you know when you’ve crossed the line if the line’s never been drawn? Even if he promises never to do it again, the worst part about it is the fact that you’re talking about it after the fact. Hindsight’s always 20/20.
5. “It was just a one time thing…”: He may be telling the truth. It may have been like that first time you ate licorice. It was disgusting, you hated it, and never ever will you have any desire to do it ever again. But on the other hand, he may have enjoyed the thrill of doing something he knows he shouldn’t be doing. And if that’s the case, can you really let yourself believe it was just a one off event?
