Three Steps

Communication is key in any good relationship. But this doesn't mean you get to run your mouth whenever your opinion conflicts with your man’s. Rather than senselessly insulting your partner, it’s important to remain tactful and considerate of his feelings. Simply stated, there’s a right way, and a wrong way to steer your sweetie in the right direction. Whether he still rocks his sneakers from college, or he doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut in social situations, learn how to properly critique your man.

 The first step to speaking your mind – sweetly – is to know your mission. It’s so easy to get caught up in a mess of words and thoughts. Sometimes when the time comes to express yourself, you lose sight of the forest for the trees – meaning, you harp on ten different issues instead of the one that really counts. So before you blurt out a poorly thought-out insult, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts.
 Next, think about your ideal outcome. What do you want to happen as a result of this conversation? Do you want him to change his actions? Do you want him to be more considerate of your opinions? Or do you just want to get something off your chest? This will help you figure out how aggressive you need to be. If you’re seriously trying to effect change, then your statements should be straightforward and command serious attention. But if you need your man to be a bit more sympathetic to your feelings, don’t act harshly. Rather, speak in gentle but forceful tones that indicate you need him to hear you out.
 Finally, remember how important it is to listen. When you approach your man, don’t forget that this is not an ambush – this is a conversation. State your case, and be ready for some resistance. Restating is a great tactic, used by psychologists. Try to employ it yourself. When he says his opinion, take a moment to digest and say, “I understand that you think ________, but I wish you could _______.” End the conversation on a positive note. “I’m so glad you and I can speak openly. Thanks for listening!”

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