Is Your Password Strong?

By

Is Your Password Strong?
How do you tell the difference between a man who wants you, and a man who wants to be with you?

A very attractive single mom recently told me this story: She had met a man and felt sure he was the man of her dreams. There was a synchronicity about their meeting she could not ignore; the chemistry was electric and the sex, she said, was the best she had ever had—in her life, I might add. It had to be love, she gushed!

But she had a question for me. “What do you think this means? The other day I emailed him after we made love to tell him I could still smell him, that my body was actually still shaking and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I told him that he had moved me so much, and I just wanted him to know how special he was, and how overjoyed my daughter and I are to have him in our lives. He never responded, and when we saw each other a few days later, after only one rather distant phone call in between, I asked him if he had received it. He said, ‘Look, I am not interested in your theatrics.’ and changed the subject.”

This woman looked at me, tears spilling over as she visibly held in her stomach, knowing the answer to her own question. That she got intimate before she knew who this man was and what he wanted—and more, she herself still believed that chemistry is love. Bottom line, his behavior was cruel, and she had made herself and her daughter vulnerable before they had taken care to find out if this man was capable of, or willing to, honor and respect her/them. When I asked her what the secret password for her sacred self was—you know, what a guy has to say to get you to have sex with him—she thought about it and said, “He didn’t say anything, I told myself I have never felt this way before!” and let her tears spill down her cheeks.

Listen up, ladies! We have top-secret codes and passwords for everything: our ATM and credit cards, our email, the alarms at our home and office, our lockers at the gym, for online banking, to get into our cars. I even had to know the secret password to get into my brothers’ silly club when I was a kid. We don’t have a password to get into our pants? And why not? Most of us spend more time trying to outsmart potential identity thieves than protecting our most private, sacred selves and hearts.

We’ll spend more time pecking at the computer trying to come up with a strong enough password to fend off identity thieves than we will interviewing a potential partner. Are we that desperate? What are we are going to get if we don’t take care to lock down our sacred selves until we identify a partner capable of mutual respect, care and a capacity for intimacy and love? Until we learn to hold out, respect ourselves and select someone who WANTS what we want and is available? We will likely get someone who will break our hearts, dispose of us if they become bored, take our retirement funds, give us a STD, beat us, emotionally abuse us, ignore or neglect us, or just be a poor choice overall.

This article was originally published at Maryanne Live . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Maryanne Comaroto

Author

Maryanne Comaroto

Website:  http://www.maryannelive.com

Radio Shows:  Maryanne Live

Next live show:

Maryanne Live! at 2pm PT June 3, on www.maryannelive.com. with Eric Maisel, author of Why Smart People Hurt: A Guide for the Bright, the Sensitive, and the Creative.

"Inner-Views on Love and Relationship"

Location: Greenbrae, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Maryanne Comaroto:

Pro-Life? How About Pro-Dad?

By

First, this is a rant, not a blog. I hope you will indulge me anyway. There are few things I feel more passionate about, and I know I am not alone. Having been a single mom for over ten years, I know so many of you can, do and will relate. And I must warn you, it's rated R, so I apologize in advance for any offense that may occur. Here we ... Read more

Let's See How Far We've Come

By

I just have to share some of the things I learned in my philosophy class. Dr. Schreibman is a brilliant teacher, and you won't believe what I'm finding out!: In ancient western civilization (700-300 BCE) women were relegated to three primary roles: wife, slave or prostitute. During this period they were further regarded as men's legal wards. ... Read more

The Man Down the Street

By

I recently received the following questions. Many of us have felt these painful feelings and in my response I want to try to alleviate human suffering.  Dear Anonymous, Thank you for reaching out and then taking care to clarify things for me. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time and I will do my best to answer your questions here and ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.