“Blah, blah, blah…words are so easy to say,” a songwriter once wrote. “I love you!” said the Bachelor. Really? ‘Cause you promised to spend the rest of your life with me, and in front of the whole world yet, uh, here I am with egg on my face…and another broken heart.
Saying “I love you” is easy; actually loving someone is an entirely different matter. You need to know the difference before you drop your drawers! No matter how good he or she makes you feel—and, like we both know, chemistry feels too good! We need to stop, slow down, and pay attention to what people do and what they say and see if they match. Otherwise, we have only ourselves to blame.
I believed the first boy who he said he “loved" me (and maybe he did). Unfortunately, so did the three other girls he was bonking.
Had I had the wisdom and hindsight I do today, I would not have put myself in that situation. I was insecure; I was desperate to be loved, seen, and validated. I had no clue how to slow down, how to interview well, and delay my gratification—how to make sure he matched who he claimed to be. When you add sex to the mix, you're in deep trouble because, as you probably already know, after you get intimate you may become attached.
So, here is some real tough love! You want a great relationship?
It’s not about a man telling you he loves you or wants you; you are not a prize to be had; love is not a competition. Getting a guy is not a reward for being sexy, beautiful, or better than someone else. Sex is a sacred act. Our bodies are sacred temples and we get into trouble when we don’t recognize or respect ourselves accordingly. Furthermore, love is not negotiable; it doesn’t disappear in the presence of someone cuter; love isn’t confused, bored, or dependent on a fickle clock. The truth is love is a decision we make in our hearts and souls, coupled with a deep resonance; mentally, physically, and spiritually. It's not a chemical reaction, for that is lustt: our lower instinctive nature that is fleeting and honestly not necessarily part of a great relationship.
More to the point, when you have strong feelings for someone and are deciding if you want to spend more time with them—share your life, heart, and soul—you want to make sure this person will be the best, most capable person for the job, which is evidenced by building trust over time. Watch what they say and make sure it matches what they do in all areas of their life—with their family, co-workers, strangers, and especially their ex-partners!