Find out if having a perfect life is really a good thing. Plus, great advice to readers' problems!
What if your life was perfect? What if all paths actually led up the mountain regardless of what choices you made, how much money you had or lost, how many times you were married or had sex, if you cheated or were totally devoted to the same person for 65 years? What if no matter which way you turned, a hundred or a thousand times, it all led to the same place?
What if enough was what you already have? What if you were born with it and no matter what you did, it would be simply to gain more of what you already have? What if right now, it was true that you have enough love, enough attention, enough freedom, enough health, enough sex, enough courage and enough of what it takes to know you can never really have any more than what you have right now? How Do You Set Realistic Expectations In A Relationship?
What if you prayed backwards? What if you stood at the place before you were born and every prayer you would ever pray was already heard? What if all you had to do to know something would be to sit quietly and listen to that Divine wisdom right inside you? The truth is, we are all one. Every time you judged, harmed, had compassion, or loved another you were just judging, harming, having compassion, or loving yourself. Each time you lied, littered, disrespected, cherished, or gave with all your heart, you did that to yourself.
What if these weren’t just words. What if this was true and the only thing there was "to do" in this life was to seek the freedom that awaits you, knowing every path leads up the mountain, that you have enough, that every prayer you will ever pray has already been heard and that we are all one. What if you knew your life is perfect and there really is nothing else to know? Who would you be? What kind of relationship would be possible then? Relationship Aptitude Test—Find Out Who's A Rat!
Here are my takes on some of the questions you've sent me: (Keep 'em coming!)
"My boyfriend thinks its fine to go out and have drinks with my friends, without me. What do you think?" -B.
Okay B, let’s start with what you think because that’s what really matters here. I gather you don’t think it’s such a great idea. If it were my boyfriend out with my friends, I would have nothing to worry about if I had a history of trust with him on all fronts. So, let’s start there. Do you have any reason to distrust either your boyfriend or your friends? If not, stop, drop and roll! Stop before you do anything you will regret and assess the facts. Drop in with yourself and see what you are really feeling. Maybe you're feeling insecure, resentful, jealous, frightened or some combination.
Next, roll around in all the possibilities of how you might best deal with your feelings. I would recommend first going off by yourself and feeling them all the way out; always better out than in, or at anyone! When you are empty, clarity usually follows, at which point you might let your boyfriend know that you feel (fill in the blank) when he goes out with your friends and you’re not included. This will allow you to see if something deeper needs attention!
If the answer is yes, you do have trust issues. In that case, if he’s out drinking with your friends more than once in a while or you’re deliberately left behind and he’s not respecting you, deal with it directly. If you’re sure this relationship is worth the energy, set strong boundaries that give you room to heal that trust between you. There is no need to be with someone who doesn’t want to feel, deal, heal and BE with you! In Between Relationships; 10 Antidotes To Loneliness!
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This article was originally published at Mary Anne Live. Reprinted with permission from the author.