Lesbians experience more orgasms than heterosexual women. Lesbians enjoy more oral sex by a factor of 4. Statistically speaking, lesbian sex lasts a long, long time… and we love that! 39 percent of lesbians said sex lasted more than an hour, while only 15 percent of heterosexual woman agreed with this.
This study also showed that more women achieve orgasm with oral sex than any other means. Listen up boys: penetration does not get most women off. Many need oral sex to get to orgasm and that's why lesbian sex rules the day. Whether we use a strap-on or not, lesbians are having a lot more great sex, more orgasms, more oral sex and longer-lasting sex.
While we're on the topic of sex and male lesbian fantasyland, we don't want to have sex with your girlfriend. We don't want to watch our girlfriend having sex with your girlfriend while you watch us (ew). When you and your girlfriend walk into a lesbian bar acting like hustlers, no one wants to play your game. That's your fantasy driven by too many porn movies and your desire to experiment and play.
What about Lesbian Bed Death? Bed death is real, but many think it's just more interesting to talk about it from a lesbian perspective. However, I know many heterosexual couples that are experiencing bed death. It's not uncommon but its existence is way overblown.
Next! Moving onto more mundane lesbian stereotypes, including our fashion sense and how we spend our free time.
- Pretty women can't possibly be lesbian.
- Lesbians all dress like men.
- Lesbians don't wear lingerie.
- Femme lesbians are pretending to be lesbian.
- All butches have short hair and are overweight.
- All lesbians hate make-up, shaving, bras and dresses.
- All lesbians like camping.
- Lesbians drive SUVs like Subaru Outbacks and Jeep Wranglers.
- Lesbians are all into sports.
Now, this is a pretty solid list of lesbian stereotypes. Remember, we have stereotypes because, in part, they are true, but it is still just a part. How does this list break down? Well, I've never owned a Jeep or a Subaru. I do own a Mazda Miata. It's sporty, sexy and fun, fun, fun. It's also a pretty good chick magnet. It's not particularly sensible or practical, but it is just fun. I love that. I've got plenty of friends who own Subarus and Jeeps, so this lesbian stereotype holds some weight, but it's not all-inclusive.
Lesbians can often take a more practical approach to life. Since we don't have men to do the heavy lifting, we do tend to have more of a take-charge attitude than heterosexual women about some of our choices.
As a group, you'll see more practical versus sexy clothing being worn. High femme clothing is often uncomfortable, impractical and you're going to freeze your rear off in whatever it is. Then, of course, there are high heels or — even better — stilettos. Yes, come-hither shoes are very high femme or, lipstick lesbian, but those gals typically have a butch partner to do all the things they can't take care of in those heels! The rest of us need to be able to lift that bale and haul that barge. We go for sporty, practical, fun and easy.
Lesbians do wear lingerie. We also wear make-up, bras and dresses. Almost every woman I have ever dated has worn these things! Some even wear high heels. I love a tall gal.
And we are not all into sports. I am not in the least. That being said, many lesbians enjoy both watching and playing them, and that's great. Lots of straight women are into sports too, and sometimes those straight women confuse the queer girls who end up crushing on them. Hey, that's life.
Finally there are the insanity-inducing stereotypes that absolutely need to be kicked to the curb.
- The L Word television show is a real-world depiction of lesbian life.
- Lesbians try to "recruit" straight women.
- Lesbians are no fun, angry, rude and insensitive.
- Lesbians are all crazy and will stalk you and ruin your life.
- Lesbians were all tomboys as children.
- It's just a phase.
- We all own stock in U-Haul and have our own personal U-Haul trucks ready and waiting.
Okay. We are not recruiting straight women. Most dyed-in-the wool lesbians aren't interested in dealing with the upheaval of a woman who is just coming out. It is really, really messy business to come out. It has to be done, but most of us are not out recruiting newbie lesbians. The toaster-oven payment plan created by Ellen is just not that great an incentive. Most of us only need one toaster anyway.
The L Word is representative of a sliver of lesbian life and lesbian couples. It showed a diversity of relationships; some butch/femme, some femme/femme, and some in between, but still, it has created more stereotypes for us that we did not need. Most women are not L Word lesbians. We are just like your sisters, wives and mothers — except lesbians.
There is some truth to the U-Haul thing I'm sorry to say and as the Gay Girl Dating Coach, I'm working hard to equip lesbians with the skills to say no to u-hauls and the women that use them. As we become a more open society that is more accepting of alternatives to heterosexual love and relationships, hopefully this stereotype and really lousy relationship choice that still happens in our little lesbian world will go the way of the dodo bird.
Stereotypes are based on a grain of truth. We use them to make life easier for ourselves, but they limit how the general public views lesbians and the lives we lead. We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, races and we live our lives in our own uniquely lesbian way. So instead of using lesbian stereotypes to box us up, get to know us. We are really special and very unique people. Just like you.
Mary Gorham Malia - www.gaygirldatingcoach.com. Are you ready to jump into the lesbian dating world? Get access to my free three video series on Lesbian Game Changers.