Hey Gay Girl, You've Got To Love Your Lesbian Self


Hey Gay Girl, You've Got To Love Your Lesbian Self
You've got to love yourself first to guarantee your next relationship is on the right path.

What’s the dialogue running through your head? You are so used to the negative noise in your head most of the time you never pay any real attention to it. That’s a mistake.

Ignoring the negative self-talk in your head doesn’t make it go away. It gives it full reign to take over your head, your heart and your life. Everything heads in the direction of negative self-talk.

Does the idea of loving yourself and searching out your own barriers to self love seem silly? If it does, that’s too bad. I really mean it. Honestly, I don’t want another self-loathing, self-hating girlfriend. Do you?

Can I challenge you to NOT BE someone’s self-loathing lesbian girlfriend?

Honestly, I can’t stand hanging out with women (straight or queer) who find a need to tell me how the only good thing about their body is their feet, or hands or butt. I want to scream – “ARE YOU AN IDIOT!” Why are you buying into the shit show that commercialism and our narcissistic society promotes?

But I then remind myself quickly that I’m not here to be anyone’s conscience. My job is to listen to my own noisy and Negative-Nelly thoughts and heal my own wounds.

Being lesbian is one powerful way to sidestep some parts of this trap but we don’t overall. Lesbians are just as guilty as any human when it comes to self-hatred. As a community we’ve built up our own social status system and heap hate on ourselves and each other openly and often.

So today I am promoting loving your amazing lesbian self – deeply, strongly and passionately. Enjoying all of who you are. Looking in the mirror and saying to that face – “hell yeah you are fabulous, handsome, beautiful, sexy, amazing, wonderful, brilliant, creative, funny, sweet, strong and the best thing I’ve ever done.”

I want to challenge you to go on a journey of loving yourself. Those things you want to give to the love of your life, have you given then to yourself. The love letters, poetry, the cd full of love songs, a pet name like "Sweet Pea" or "Honey Pie" plus all the things that represent a loving relationship.

Make a decision to pay more attention to the constant stream of negative dialogue running through your head. When you become conscious that you are beating on yourself, actively stop it. Open your mouth and tell yourself you are awesome. Open your mouth and say – “hey I love me and that’s bullshit. I am totally worth loving” Don’t take it anymore.

Stop being a bully to yourself and start being the lover of yourself.

The biggest secret to finding the love of your life is loving yourself first and without reservation. Get the bully out of you and let love be your fuel.

Remove every internal barrier you have to finding love in yourself. Then watch as Ms. Right finally finds you.



This article was originally published at Gay Girl Dating Coach. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Mary Malia

Dating Coach

With Gratitude, 

Mary G. Malia

Certified Singles Coach, RCI

Certified Strategic Intervention Coach, Robbins- Madanes Coaching


Location: Portland, ME
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Mary Malia:

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