Why Does Every Loser Want To Marry Me?


Why Does Every Loser Want To Marry Me?
When you begin attracting the type of person you don't want, go back and make peace with your parent

Parents don’t only affect their daughters; they also have profound effects on their son and his future relationships. For example, a very common scenario may be a son who isn’t close to his dad, but is very close to his mother. He may have difficulty with commitment and being vulnerable because he may feel that a woman will be too emotionally needy (since he and his mother are so close), and he will be reluctant to repeating that situation. He never learned or was mentored by his father how you can be close to a woman and still have your own space to do the things you enjoy.
The key for Kellie, as well as anyone who has past resentment and hurt from their parents, is to make peace. It is better to do this early before you date or marry someone, so these feelings aren’t acted out with someone unknowingly and new. What we reject in our parents doesn’t go away, but remains inside of us. Much of life is repeating old patterns, but when patterns are unhealthy repeating them for generations seems pointless and cruel. 90% of all prisoners have been abused as children. Unhealthy patterns of resentment, anger, and cruelty affect our relationships, our families and our societies at large. Below are suggestions for making peace with your parents.
1. Realize that your way of continuing the pattern of your parents is an unconscious way to bring them back and keep them in your life. Therefore, the first and foremost thing you must do is write down and make note of any good behaviors they had.
2. Begin to look for these good behaviors in others, especially with people you date.
3.  If your parents are still alive, sit with them and talk honestly about what you resent, and seek to understand why your parents acted in this manner. Many times understanding helps heal resentment.
4. If your parents are deceased or unavailable, write a letter of what they did that was so hurtful or upsetting to you. It can help release the feelings if you put them down on paper. You may want to burn the letter or bury it. If your parents are old and not able to understand, giving the letter to them will only cause more suffering for all of you. It is not part of letting go or establishing peace.
5. Talking to a loved one you are dating or married to about your discovery will really help. They may feel lightened by your enlightenment, and also relieved to see the pattern of what has been created. When you understand a pattern you can usually work with one another in an effort to not repeat it.
Our parents are the first people we loved. They are the first people who are supposed to love us. When their expression of love is unhealthy as children we aren’t able to grasp it because we have no other comparison. Therefore, the way they expressed their love for you and your other parent is bound to leave a lasting impression. The key to establishing peace as an adult with your parent is to be curious, honest, and forgiving. They may have been a broken child inside a parent body. Understanding and not repeating the pattern is Kellie’s and our ultimate goal. –Mary Jo Rapini

More from YourTango: Dating Boundaries For Single Moms

For more information or you FREE MONTHLY RELATIONSHIP TIPS:
Podcasts:  Struggling with low libido in your relationship
Married with small children at home and keeping your relationship close
Improving your body image
Talk to me on my fan page:
Tweet me: @ Mary Jo Rapini
Join me weekday Mornings for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” on Fox 26 Houston at 9 A.M.
Tags: Parenting, Relationships, Family, Communication, Dating, Marriage, Unhealthy Relationships, Love, Resentment, Marrying Someone Like Your Parent

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mary Jo Rapini


For more information go to:
Talk to me on my fan page:
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

3 Ways To Make Divorce Easier On Kids


Getting a divorce is traumatic, and nowhere do we see the effects of a divorce more than the children. The family is the life center for children, and when the family is threatened by divorce, the children feel tugged and pulled between mom and dad. Many parents worry about the effects of divorce on their children and this is one reason divorces take years ... Read more

Using Body Language To Avoid Divorce


Divorce is complicated, and when you talk to someone going through one you learn that there are many issues that lead to a divorce. One of the simplest, most effective behaviors to cause a divorce is contempt. Couples who don't respect each other have been given a chance to improve with a digital gaming platform called, "Happify," which allows you ... Read more

Dating Boundaries For Single Moms


A divorce or end of a relationship leaves both partners feeling conflicted, guilty and upset. Having a new relationship is usually not the first thing most ex’s think about especially when children are involved. Making sure the kids are okay and trying to ease their pain with the changes in the family is a full-time job, and like all changes some days ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.


Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.


Why Do Men Hide Their Emotions?

The emotional processing in the male and female brain is not the same....

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>