ProConnect

Why Does Every Loser Want To Marry Me?

By

Why Does Every Loser Want To Marry Me?
When you begin attracting the type of person you don't want, go back and make peace with your parent

A Fox 26 viewer sent me this question:

Dear Mary Jo,
I am in my late twenties and grew up with a dad I didn’t really respect. He didn’t treat my mother very good, and was not faithful to her. He wasn’t involved with me, and I don’t remember ever feeling special. He went to work, and that was the extent of his care. I now find myself dating men exactly like him. I don’t want to; they just seem to be the ones who come into my life. What’s going on? Am I doomed to marry someone like him and repeat my mother’s mistake? Thank you, Kellie.

More from YourTango: 3 Ways To Make Divorce Easier On Kids

 

This is a common question, and many men and women date people like their mom and dad. After all, our moms and dads are our first mentors of what is normal. As we grow up we begin comparing our normal with other friends’ normal, and realize maybe a bit late that our normal isn’t normal at all.

More from YourTango: Using Body Language To Avoid Divorce

When dating, feeling more comfortable around people who feel familiar to you, such as what you saw demonstrated by your parents is common and more likely.  The problem comes about when you have resentment or anger from how one of your parents treated you. This unresolved anger and resentment doesn’t disappear, and often times are projected on to another person or partner.

For example, Kellie, states that her dad was never there for her. He didn’t treat her mother with respect, and emotionally wasn’t available. The anger and hurt she feels becomes projected on to the men in her life. She is actually bringing her dad and her issues with him back into her love life. The guy may or may not know what is going on, but one thing is for sure, he has a part to play and he plays it because Kellie has given it to him. This also allows Kellie to bond further with her mom, and maybe even say things such as, “All men are the same, or all men are emotionally unavailable.” Kellie watched this growing up, and it is “hardwired” into her emotionally and feels familiar. She will most likely act this out until she works through her feelings and forgives her father.

Many times you will see these dynamics acted out among your colleagues and friends. For example, if a woman grows up feeling closer to her father than her mother she may forever be unhappy with her choice of partners. The reason isn’t the partners she chooses, but rather her distance from her mother. A woman’s relationship with her mother is an indicator for how fulfilled she feels with a partner. The more distant relationship women have with their mothers is also an indicator of their trust and ability to work well with other women.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

3 Ways To Make Divorce Easier On Kids

By

Getting a divorce is traumatic, and nowhere do we see the effects of a divorce more than the children. The family is the life center for children, and when the family is threatened by divorce, the children feel tugged and pulled between mom and dad. Many parents worry about the effects of divorce on their children and this is one reason divorces take years ... Read more

Using Body Language To Avoid Divorce

By

Divorce is complicated, and when you talk to someone going through one you learn that there are many issues that lead to a divorce. One of the simplest, most effective behaviors to cause a divorce is contempt. Couples who don't respect each other have been given a chance to improve with a digital gaming platform called, "Happify," which allows you ... Read more

Dating Boundaries For Single Moms

By

A divorce or end of a relationship leaves both partners feeling conflicted, guilty and upset. Having a new relationship is usually not the first thing most ex’s think about especially when children are involved. Making sure the kids are okay and trying to ease their pain with the changes in the family is a full-time job, and like all changes some days ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Hug Text

It’s Emotional Infidelity

12 warning signs that you may be cheating and not just friends

Computer Problems

Meeting Online: Safety Tips to Date By

Meeting online requires a little more vigilance than other types of dating.

Brain

Use Goal Setting To Get A Boyfriend

You use goal setting in your professional life, but you can also use it to find true love.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS