Who cheats with the cheater

By

Who cheats with the cheater
Think you know who cheats with a cheater? Marriage isn't natural,that's why you must commit each day


I often write about marriages, the sacredness of marriage and the act of infidelity within a marriage. Of course, everyone knows cheating is wrong and when it happens in a marriage we often times ask, “Who would cheat with someone else’s husband or wife?” What kind of a person would try to date or have a relationship with someone they know is married? We label them as whores, home wreckers and other derogatory adjectives, and maybe they do fit into some of those categories. With the divorce rate being half of American marriages, and with the influence and ease of porn, affairs and other temptations, it is important that we explore who cheats with a cheater. I received this letter last week. She asked me to write an article about this topic. It took me a couple of days to think about it, but I have decided that understanding, as in all matters, helps unravel the mess that infidelity creates.


Dear Mary Jo,
You address the issue of infidelity quite frequently in your column, but I rarely see you address the issue of the "other woman and/or man." I was the "other woman" for about three years and words cannot express the hurt, anger, and pain that resulted from my involvement with this married man. I have been out of this relationship for about a year and a half, and I have sought therapy on and off during this period to deal with the issues that have surrounded this, and while I think there has been some progress, I feel that it is something that will take me a long time to fully get over.

 

Many people, including you, may say that I should have known better. I did know better, but a close friendship with him slowly started to get out of control, and before I knew it, things were a mess. I think at first you ignore the situation that you are in and enjoy the time that you spend with this person, because it is always surrounded by fun things and physical intimacy. As time goes on, you realize that living in secrecy is very lonely, and it is even lonelier when you realize that the whole situation is affecting who you are and has changed you as a person. You also realize that no matter what, you are not the number one priority of this man. He is not there when you have a bad day and you need someone to hold your hand, on holidays when you want to be surrounded by the people that you love the most, and to put it to the point, he is not there to experience life with you. In my situation, I felt like when I tried to back away, he would come on stronger, and acknowledge the sacrifices that I made to be with him. It was my mistake to not walk away in all of those times that I had intended to do so.

I guess what I want to say to you, and for the people that read your column to understand, is that you should never cheat on a spouse, significant other, or partner. The lives that are hurt include both parties, and in some cases, if it is a lengthy affair, the person with whom the affair was had. Have the strength to be honest with your partner about the problems that you are having or the needs that are not being met. If you are with someone with whom you can't address these things, then you really shouldn't be with them in the first place. If someone isn't willing to work on things to make a relationship better, then why would it be a relationship worth keeping?

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

5 Signs You Are Unhappy With Your Life (And 5 Ways To Fix It)

By

Everyone has times when they contemplate, "Is this all there is?" You have he job, the kids, the new house, and you're still feeling as though something is missing. That feeling of being lost or misguided in your life can happen for a variety of reasons, but sometimes realizing that you’re lost is the toughest part. If you find yourself ... Read more

Make It Spicy! 7 Steamy Ways To Boost Intimacy—With FOOD

By

Food plays a major role in intimate relationships. I'm not talking about quick, easy, in-and-out types of meals. I'm talking about lovingly and thoughtfully prepared food. There's a big difference—and taking part in the "good stuff" helps you get more of the good stuff in your relationships (openness, trust and comfort), ... Read more

Even A Healthy Marriage Has Its Hard Times

By

I read an article recently about a couple that shared their marriage story. In the story the author (the husband) told the reader how his wife came to him one day and asked to talk with him. She talked about their two lovely girls, their fun social life and then she threw him a "verbal bomb" he didn't expect. She said her life at home was ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular