When not to settle

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When not to settle
Everyone settles on some aspects in a relationship as no one is perfect. Don't settle on these three


Not everyone who is over thirty-five and single wants to marry. If you are that age, and single it may seem that you have missed something that everyone else “got” because strangers ask all the time, “Why aren’t you married?” Most single people I know hate this question (especially the women) because they feel a tinge of guilt as to why they aren’t. They may grow defensive, say nothing, or walk away muttering bad comments about the person asking the question, but the thing those of us who are married don’t get is why they would feel responsible enough to care. They feel responsible because many of these people have a list of what they will not settle for. Whether it’s an internal promise to themselves or a bad experience from their past, this list is very powerful. When they hear the question, “Why aren’t you married,” they reflect on the list and question it once again.
There are things you should not compromise on with selecting a future husband or wife, but it is also important to remember you cannot have it all. Just as you may imagine the perfect child while pregnant, when meeting your newborn for the first time, they probably didn’t look like the image you held in your mind. Your love, nurturance and understanding worked together to create them into the perfect baby for you. Marriage in its truest form should do the same. You should look for someone you can work with, understand and grow together. The older people become, the more they begin picking apart at a possible partner. Many unmarried’s (wanting to marry) have been single for a long while, they may have accumulated material wealth, and with age comes a certain degree of caution (for most emotionally healthy adults). They should be picky about sharing that with someone who potentially could hurt them.
The three areas you should be most picky about are the three areas that destroy most marriages. For some reason these areas are not the ones men or women are most picky about. This is why many times people will say, “I think you are just too picky.” They see the things you are choosy about and they inherently understand these are “fluff.” For example, how the person looks or how they dress may be important initially, but the quickest things that change over time is how your partner looks or dresses. Below are the three most important issues not to settle on.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

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